


give me love

by falsegoodnight, soldouthaz



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: (on Harry's side), Alpha Harry, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Bearded Harry, Beta Liam, Beta Niall, Bottom Louis, But also, Classical Music, Fluff, Knotting, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Nesting, Omega Louis, Rimming, Rut, Slow Burn, Top Harry, Touch Deprivation, Unsafe Sex, because duh, denying instincts, past abusive relationship, past relationship trauma, touch starvation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:41:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 41,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26380552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falsegoodnight/pseuds/falsegoodnight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldouthaz/pseuds/soldouthaz
Summary: Despite being an omega, Louis’ always had a blatant dislike of alphas.-Or, Louis doesn't feel like a good omega, Harry doesn't remember how to be an alpha, and they figure it out together.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson
Comments: 216
Kudos: 1180





	give me love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cheershalo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheershalo/gifts).



> **_Disclaimer:_** Harry was in a abusive relationship with an omega who forced him to not act like an alpha! Nothing is ever described graphically or detailed but it is referenced quite a bit and plays a big role in the plot and in Harry's character arc (feeling comfortable with being "alpha"). If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to reach out and ask them before reading the fic!
> 
> Thank you Jem for suggesting that Sarah and I (Ris, or falsegoodnight) write a fic together <3 It seemed only fitting that our first "collab" is dedicated to you (even if it's a day late!!)
> 
> And a massive thank you to Miss Chelsea (read: angel) for beta-reading this for us! We both read over each other's parts for the most part but we are Very Tired and your help was very much appreciated! So was your feedback/input/thoughts! Literally the sweetest person ever and we're both so grateful! Much love!! <33
> 
> This is a bit different than any fic either of us have written in terms of subject matter and character development but we're both really happy with it! 
> 
> (Also, this is Sarah's first abo, can you believe? Spoiler alert: she's a natural!)

Despite being an omega, Louis’ always had a blatant dislike of alphas. It hadn’t been inherent, he doesn’t think, but more of a learned behavior he’d picked up over the years. Something that had started slowly and festered inside of him until he couldn’t ignore it any longer. 

And it isn’t because they’re scary or intimidating or anything like that, it’s more the fact that they aren’t even really alphas anymore. Nothing like the alphas from old tales who used to court omegas and prided themselves on chivalry, protection, and strength. There are a few good ones but the majority of them are immature and ignorant and entitled, blaming all of their mistakes on their instincts and refusing to learn from anyone more experienced than them. 

That, and the fact that every time he’s ever been close with an alpha they’ve either taken advantage of him or were just simply bad _people_ regardless of their secondary gender. 

He’s thinking about all of this right now because he’d served an alpha earlier this morning who’d been awful and his scent is still lurking around the corners of the cafe, giving Louis a headache. He’d been newly presented, Louis could tell, but taking full advantage of his newfound abilities. Attempting to intimidate Louis with his stance, trying (and failing) to use his alpha voice on him to get him to work more quickly, and growling in annoyance when Louis hadn’t given it to him for free. He’d stared blankly at the teenager until he tossed his crumpled money on the counter and stormed out in a fit of unsettling pheromones. 

Now, on his break, he’s sitting in one of the booths, chewing on a croissant he’d heated up for his lunch. His phone entertains him for a few minutes, but he has no new notifications so Louis pockets it and tries to eat the rest of his food slowly to pass the time. 

“Tommo!” 

Niall comes barreling through the front doors with a grin, Liam following closely behind him. Scentless like all of the other betas, they fall into Louis’ routine easily and without complaint. 

“Good, we didn’t miss your break,” Liam sits down next to him and goes to grab a bite of his croissant. 

“No, you didn’t,” Louis agrees, snatching the bread away from Liam and shoving most of it into his mouth to prove a point. Niall giggles across from them, kicking his legs up onto the seat next to Louis’ leg and crossing his ankles comfortably. 

He’d met the two of them at the end of last year when he’d just started this job, and they’d become close over the following months. Close enough for them to start spending most nights at Louis’ and going out to eat all of the time and sharing secrets and gossip over Louis’ lunch break. 

Moving here had been scary because he hadn’t been sure if he’d make any friends, but they’d alleviated most of his stress pretty much immediately after he’d settled in. And they avoid politics completely, letting Louis complain about anything he wants and offering him all of the platonic friendship he could ever need. 

“Why are you guys here?” he asks them, swallowing the last bits of his lunch and taking a swig of his water bottle. 

“We can’t come and visit you at work? We miss you, Lou.” Niall smiles sweetly. 

Louis tilts his head at him and squints suspiciously. He saw them yesterday. 

“Okay, fine,” Liam sighs, “We wanted to know if we could reschedule our movie-date tonight.” 

Frowning, Louis whines. “That’s the only thing I had to look forward to this week,” he pouts, “What could you possibly be doing that’s more important?” 

His friends share a look from across the table sheepishly, and now Louis’ even more confused. He raises an eyebrow impatiently and watches Liam sigh. 

“A friend of ours needs some help.” 

“That’s impressively vague,” Louis says flatly. 

“He’s just out of a relationship,” Niall explains, nudging Louis’ thigh with his foot as if to further convey his message, “it was pretty bad.” 

Oh, Louis thinks he knows where this is going. “Let me guess, an _alpha_ friend?” 

The lack of response tells him everything he needs to know. He huffs and throws himself back against the booth dramatically. 

He hates it when they hang out with alphas because they always smell like them the days after. Louis much prefers their odorless, beta scent to that of some alpha he doesn’t even know. Then again, it would be extremely rude of him to ask them to wear scent neutralizers solely for his benefit. That’s the downside of Liam and Niall not being involved in politics, though. They don’t have anything against omegas, but they also don’t have anything against _alphas_. 

“Okay, that’s fine,” he nods. “Go hang out with your alpha friend and leave me all helpless and alone.” 

“You kicked an alpha in the balls last week because you thought he _might_ be thinking of taking Niall’s ice cream,” Liam drones from beside him, smirking. 

Louis just stands straight up in the booth and steps over Liam’s legs to get out, hopping down onto the ground and grabbing his water. 

“Yes, well, that was different. Niall was in danger, it was instinct.” 

“I was not in _danger_ ,” Niall whines. 

Liam chuckles and steps out behind Louis, “I promise we’ll reschedule.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” waving a hand at them dismissively, Louis turns, “I’ve got to get back to work.” 

They leave eventually, but not without the customary group hug and kiss on the cheek, Louis batting at them and pushing them toward the exit. “Bye, Lou!” 

As soon as the door shuts behind Niall, Louis watches them walk away through the windows and then retreats back to his spot behind the counter. He’d never admit it, but he doesn’t really know what to do when he’s not with Liam or Niall. He’s never toured the city, never been to any of the attractions London has to offer, and he’s only got the two friends. 

Which are more than enough, Louis thinks. He can’t handle too much social interaction after all. But he’s got to stop being so codependent - something he attributes to being omega. The rest of that list consists only of characteristics that he decidedly does _not_ like about himself and therefore contributes to his secondary gender, as some form of useless defiance. 

And Niall thinks he’s _petty_. Whatever. 

Three hours to go, and Louis can hang up his apron and go home. Go back to his empty flat and _not_ have movie night with Niall and Liam. He can do it, probably. He’ll be fine. 

Louis sighs as the lunch rush begins to start up and customers flow into the shop, one big storm of heat and impatience and alphas. He’ll try not to hit any of them in the balls this time around, but he makes no promises. 

+

“Why don’t I smell him on you?” 

Louis’ question would be rude if he’d asked anyone else, but Niall only shrugs as Louis snuggles up under his arm on the sofa. They’d rescheduled movie night to the weekend, and the remaining days of the week Louis had embarrassingly counted down inside of his head until it finally arrived. Liam is sprawled out across the armchair while he and Niall have the couch, the smell of takeout overpowering anything else, but Louis’ got a good nose. 

“That’s not an answer,” he addresses Niall. 

From the corner of his eye he can see Liam tense, glancing over at Niall and halfway through an eggroll. “It’s a long story, but he covers it.” 

Louis’ nose wrinkles as his eyebrows draw in, “He wears neutralizers? Are you sure he’s an alpha?” He snorts. 

“Drop it, Louis,” Liam mumbles, still turned to face the television. 

Niall isn’t any better, avoiding meeting Louis’ eyes and cheeks tinted pink from keeping a secret. Louis knows him well. 

Louis also doesn’t take well to people telling him no. 

It’s going to become a thing, he decides impulsively. It’s too late. He’s too intrigued now. An alpha that wears scent neutralizers is basically unheard of, and he wonders why he’s doing it - if he’s got some kind of scent disorder or something, or if he’s just plain _stupid_. 

Scent is important to alphas for many reasons, but mostly because it’s what makes them distinctly _alpha_. It’s what makes people turn and look at them when they walk in a room and what they use to detect how other people are feeling and, most of the time, use it to their advantage. The majority of them take great pride in their scent, although Louis thinks most of them just plain stink. Maybe the alpha just smells like garbage. Louis smirks. It’d probably be karma. 

When the movie goes off, Liam picks up most of the trash and throws it in the bin, looking back at Niall and Louis. “Sleepover?” 

Louis gawks, “Do you even have to ask?” 

So they dogpile onto Louis’ two-person sofa, tumbling onto the ground in a big mess of limbs and blankets and grins, until Louis deems it comfortable enough. 

Sometimes when they cuddle like this, it feels like a nest. Louis has yet to decide how that makes him feel. 

Nesting is one of those things that he’s got on the omega list: the list of things that make him an omega even though it never feels like enough. There’s no denying the nature of it. The act is strictly omega, from the piles of typically alpha-scented clothing underneath to the warm blankets layered over top, and it makes him slightly uncomfortable to think about. So he doesn’t. 

Instead, he focuses on the comfort that comes from having two betas around. There’s no pressure to be anything or to act a certain way and Louis feels free to just be himself. It’s sort of exhilarating, after not having any friends for so long. 

Niall manages to free a hand from under Louis’ hip and reach for the remote, flipping it back to the movies and choosing a random one, settling his head on Louis’ shoulder. 

Liam falls asleep relatively quickly after that, spooned around him opposite Niall, and even Louis can feel the tiredness begin to seep in. Before he can shut his eyes, Niall shifts around to get his attention. 

“Lou?” he whispers. 

Liam snores beside them, completely still save for his harsh, warm breathing against the side of Louis’ neck. 

“Yeah, Ni?” 

Niall doesn’t even say anything for a long time, but just when Louis thinks he’s gone to sleep, he moves again. “I know you don’t like alphas,” he starts slowly, “But do you think you’d ever at least _try_ to meet a nice one one day? Settle down?” 

The response is right on the tip of his tongue - _NO_ \- but it doesn’t come out. 

“I don’t know,” he says instead, surprising even himself. 

Niall nods like he’d been expecting it and hums quietly, readjusting himself in the pile. After a few minutes, he’s asleep too. And Louis’d been tired before, after the movie, but now he’s sort of wired. 

It’s not that he doesn’t want an alpha, like Niall and Liam think. It’s more that he doesn’t want any of the alphas he’s ever known, or any like them. He hasn’t even been courted before, never been romantically interested in anyone or had anyone interested in him beyond natural attraction and lust, so he’s got nothing to compare anything to, no past experiences to draw information from. 

He’s twenty-five, is the thing, and that makes him a bit nervous. Being a confident, headstrong omega sounds like a wonderful plan in theory. What no one tells you is that omegas, quite literally, cannot survive without alphas. No matter how much Louis wishes he could. 

His doctor warns him of the dangers of touch-starvation and dropping and everything he acts like he isn’t scared of, but it terrifies him late at night, when he’s home alone and he can’t shut off his thoughts the way he can when his friends are here. 

But if he’s being really, truly honest, it’s also because he isn’t sure if he _deserves_ an alpha. That thought is too much, though, so Louis pushes it to the back of his mind for a different time and sighs, settling into his pitiful semblance of a nest and dozing. 

He falls asleep much later to the sound of Niall’s snores, brain swimming with thoughts of nesting and courting and doctors and strange alphas who cover up their scents. 

+

It comes up a third time a week later, when Liam shows up at the cafe again. 

“Hey,” Louis smiles, “Where’s Niall?” 

Louis had almost forgotten about the mysterious alpha completely. Since there was no scent to track, Louis could never tell when they’d been over to his house or not, and so he didn’t mind them hanging out with him as much - except when he ruins Louis’ plans. 

“Ni’s busy today. I was wondering if we could move lunch to next Thursday instead of this one, if that’s okay?” 

Like right now. 

“I guess so, yeah,” Louis huffs and tries to smile, but Liam sighs and steps closer. 

“I’m sorry we’re cancelling again, but it’s just,” Liam shakes his head, “you wouldn’t understand.” 

Placing a hand on his hip, Louis challenges him. “Try me,” he bites. 

Liam shakes his head again, “I can’t.” 

Louis narrows his eyes, “What, are you sworn to secrecy?” 

“Niall and I will come by later tomorrow, okay?” Liam deflects his question with ease and leaves no room for his argument, sliding back toward the entrance, “I’ll see you later, Lou.” 

So, Louis’ frustrated. He’d spent his lunch break alone after that, Liam hadn’t stayed with him like usual, and Niall isn’t answering any of his texts. If there’s anything Louis hates more than being told no, it’s being _ignored_. Over the past week, Liam and Niall have done both. 

Whatever this alpha has going on must be important, Louis figures, because they don’t really keep any secrets from him ever. Niall is especially bad at keeping them, but even he isn’t cracking on this one. 

His break is over before he can get too angry about it, but it still lingers on his mind all through his shift, while he’s shoving change into a beta’s hand roughly and annoying his coworker simply because he can, all the way up until he’s going into the back to get his things - loudly, angrily - and leave. 

More than anything, he’s confused. With some reluctant research on the private browser on his phone, Louis had looked up reasons for alphas to hide their scent when he couldn’t sleep. None of the results were good, and were also all highly unlikely. In conclusion, Louis still has no idea what’s going on. 

And he knows that this guy is someone that Liam and Niall had been friends with before Louis came along, but that just makes it even worse. He wouldn’t know how to handle it if it turned out that Louis was just a distraction-friend while this alpha got some things off of his plate. 

Now they’re back to hanging out with him every few days, sometimes several days in a row, and Louis’ getting nervous, slightly. It’s not like he has any backup if Liam and Niall decide to ditch him. He knows he’s being paranoid and definitely insecure, but he can’t help it. He has no experience whatsoever with keeping close friends such as Niall and Liam and definitely no experience with _losing_ them. 

Louis can’t afford losing them, not right now. 

The drive home is monotonous, and Louis leaves the radio off even though he’s desperate for some noise. The streets all seem achingly similar as he follows the route to his flat, like he’s seen them every day of his life despite moving here less than a year ago. 

He mentally adds _too sensitive_ to his list and slams the car door, heading inside and straight for the bed to sleep until someone decides to wake him up. 

\+ 

They do a pretty good job of balancing everything out, Liam and Niall do. It used to not be obvious when they would come straight to Louis’ after visiting the alpha, but now there’s evidence. 

Not in the form of a scent or a bruise or anything like that, but in the way that Liam and Niall don’t laugh as much, don’t smile as wide at Louis’ awful jokes. They don’t visit him at work anymore either, really, and Louis is at a loss on how to cheer them up. 

It’s like the alpha’s sour mood has infected them as well, and Louis is convinced he’s got to at least _try_ to do something about it before it really festers in his friends and becomes _permanent_. He hasn’t known them long enough to have a guaranteed plan, but Niall likes ice cream and Liam likes movies, so he got both to be safe. 

Tonight is supposed to be a dinner they’d planned a while back, cancelled, and then planned again, but Louis’ going to surprise them with a night in instead. Carrying several bags filled with what he’d gotten from the store, he turns the key into the lock and sets everything down on the table when he gets inside. He’s got a few different flavors of ice cream, a whole stack of discount movies that’d been on sale near the check-out, and some candy bars and crisps to top it off. 

The gesture is something Louis hopes they’ll notice - that he’s trying to cheer them up. Louis doesn’t like it when people are sad, especially not his friends. He’s got everything arranged out on the coffee table when the doorbell rings, and he swings it open with a smile, but they don’t return it. Niall tries to, but it falls flat and he just looks like he’s seen something disgusting. Louis ignores it and ushers them in. 

“I’ve got snacks!” he exclaims, bouncing over to the sofa, “Take your pick, Niall. And you can choose a movie, Liam.” 

They don’t even comment on the change of plans, just doing what Louis says and settling into their established spots in his living room. He tries to cuddle up to Niall like usual, but he’s tense and it doesn’t feel comforting like it usually does. He pouts. 

“What’s wrong?” 

There’s no shared look between him and Niall anymore when Liam answers him, just a small, hollow voice. “We’re just tired, Lou.”

“No,” Louis shakes his head, “You guys are sad.” 

Everything about this feels awkward- tense like Louis never thought it could be with them. 

“Harry’s just,” Niall stutters. “It’s just a lot.” 

“Harry?” 

Strange alpha has a name, then. 

“Niall,” Liam groans, head dropping back onto the chair. 

Sitting up on his knees on the sofa, Louis turns so he can face both of them and seem convincing. “It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone. You guys can tell me about him. It might help you.” 

“No,” Liam tells him firmly, scrubbing a hand down his face, “it’s not our business to tell.” 

Louis whines. “But you guys are friends with him and I’m friends with you. So technically there’s a connection,” he points out. 

Niall puffs out a breath of air, “I don’t think that’s how it works.” 

It seems like all hope is lost for a minute, when Liam seems to be falling asleep in the chair and Niall just stares into space like he’s thinking hard, but then Louis gets an idea. 

“So introduce me to him, then.” 

At that, Liam sits up straight and looks him dead in the eye, barking out a laugh with surprising energy that has Louis shrinking back into the cushion behind him. 

“No, no way,” he shakes his head. “Definitely not.” 

He doesn’t have any time to make a quick remark or to be offended, because Niall sits up abruptly beside him and points at Louis thoughtfully. 

“Wait, Li, that could be a good idea,” Niall says. 

Liam keeps laughing until he realizes that both Louis and Niall are staring at him completely seriously, and then he deflates backward into the chair with a loud groan, covering his face with his hands. 

That doesn’t matter though, because when Louis looks back over at Niall, he’s smiling for the first time in a week. What has he gotten himself into? 

+

It doesn’t happen right away. Like all good things, Louis figures he has to wait it out. If this could even be considered a _good_ thing, he thinks. They hadn’t even given him a plan or timeline. Only grumbled excuses from Liam and muted excitement from Niall. 

Secretly, he wants to meet the alpha - _Harry_ \- because he wants to tell him off for making his friends so sad. Honestly, what could he be doing to them? Alphas are supposed to be strong and independent, and Louis’ never heard of such a peculiar, _weak_ case. 

He can’t tell Niall or Liam that he wants to yell at him though, because then they won’t let him meet him at all. They’re already drawing everything out, acting like he isn’t ready to meet him yet. As if Louis is unprepared for anything, ever. 

Bottom line, Louis just wants his friends back. Maybe he’ll have a solution to the alpha’s problem that they haven’t thought of yet, and everything will go back to normal. Unlikely, but definitely possible. He’s got a lot of faith in himself. 

He waits a whole month and a half before he finally meets the mysterious Harry, and it isn’t even because Liam or Niall made him wait that long. It’s all a big mistake, really. 

It starts with Liam’s copy of _Mamma Mia_. He’d left it at Louis’ flat after another sleepover, sitting underneath the movie they’d watched after. It’s one of Liam’s favorites which had taken him a long time (and some minor tickling) to admit, so Louis feels bad for keeping it from him for too long. 

His friends live in the same complex a floor apart from each other. Louis knows their apartment numbers because he’s been over once, briefly, when they stopped to pick up Liam’s jacket on the way back to Louis’ and he wrote their address down in his phone in case he ever needed it. They all hang out at Louis’ usually since he’s more comfortable there and they don’t have a preference, but he remembers the drive fairly easily. 

It takes all of ten minutes to get to their building from his work after he gets off, and another three to wait for the elevator, so by the time he gets up to Liam’s door it’s dark outside the front windows in the lobby. 

Louis knocks several times, waits, and then knocks again, but there’s no answer. He knows they’re here though - he saw their cars parked downstairs. They’re not at the alpha’s house and Niall practically lives at Liam’s, so they’ve got to be here. 

Eventually, Louis tires of knocking and drops his hand to the doorknob, tapping his fingers on the metal with a pursed lip, movie in the other hand. They’re close enough for Louis to just walk in, right? 

So he tries the handle, and it’s unlocked. Louis steps lightly into the flat and looks around at the dark room with a frown. 

“Liam? Niall?” 

The only light comes from a dim lamp in the corner, so he feels around the wall closest to him for a switch. There’s a quiet shift somewhere in the middle of the room, and it makes Louis panic a bit. Is someone in their apartment? He feels more frantically for the light and flips it on when he finds it. 

“Li-” Louis’ words fade out when his eyes travel across the room, landing on the figure sitting frozen on the sofa. _Mamma Mia_ drops from his hand with a thud, a louder noise falling from the man’s lips at the motion. 

It’s the alpha. Louis’ not sure why he knows right away because he still doesn’t have any scent, but for some reason it hits him like a brick, rendering him still as his mouth drops open slightly, concerned but too afraid to approach him. 

And he’s still whimpering, shaking slightly where he’s sitting on the couch but trying obviously to stay very still. With wide green eyes, he regards Louis like he might attack him or something. Still, he doesn’t make a sound, almost like he’s been trained to do so. 

He’s got dried tears on his face but Louis can see more forming at the corners of his eyes, his long, _strong_ , tattooed arms wrapped around his knees protectively. He’s a gorgeous alpha, broad and bearded with short dark curls and angled features, but he’s so upset that he’s making _Louis_ sad. 

His mouth is moving but Louis doesn’t think his voice is coming out. From where he’s standing it looks like he’s mouthing _sorry_ , over and over again. 

“Found it, H,” Niall yells, walking from the hallway to the living room with a fleece blanket, Liam coming from the restroom on the other side of the room. 

They both stop when they see Louis. 

“Louis, what- what are you doing here?” Liam whispers frantically. 

“I- I didn’t mean to, I didn’t know,” Louis waves his hands around aimlessly, slightly shaken himself from seeing an alpha so frightened. 

“You need to go,” Niall says. 

“Yeah, okay,” he stutters, falling toward the door, “I- I’m sorry.” 

His apology doesn’t reach Niall in time, as the door slams shut in his face and he’s left standing in the hallway with an open mouth and shaking hands. 

Perhaps Louis shouldn’t have pursued the whole alpha thing. 

+

The hours that follow confuse him even more. He’s so shaken up from what he saw that he has to sit down immediately when he gets through the door, practically vibrating with nervous energy. 

Louis is calm usually, aware of his emotions in a way that allows him to handle them appropriately, but it feels like he’s been thrown off. There hadn’t even been any obvious signs that the man was an alpha beyond his build and features, but there was something about him that affected Louis’ inner omega in a way only an alpha can. 

It’s been a long time since he’s been around one for more than a few excruciating seconds, at the cafe or in public somewhere, but this one had more of an impact on him than even the one alpha who’d tried to reach across the counter and grab him, threatening to beat him up and leave him for dead if he didn’t do what he asked of him. Louis hadn’t even blinked an eye. Now, he can’t seem to catch his breath. 

All of his blankets are still arranged on the floor in a pile so Louis sinks down into them easily. He’s got his shoes on, still clutching his keys tightly in one hand, and the rough material of his jacket contrasts with the soft wool on the blanket, but he doesn’t care. 

They still smell like Louis of course, because Niall and Liam can’t leave a scent behind. Louis sort of wishes they could - wishes the smell around him didn’t just remind him of how lonely he really is, but it does. 

Even so, he’s unable to move. Eyes unfocused and hazy, Louis can only sit back and let all of his senses be assaulted at once by what he’d seen earlier. His mind replays the image of Harry against Liam’s wall in the corner, crying and trying to soothe himself because Louis scared him. 

His heart clenches painfully inside of his chest at the realization - he probably _was_ the reason why he was so terrified. Niall had sounded chipper when he’d come back in, like he expected Harry to be fine, which means that Louis’ knock, his scent, and the sight of him in the apartment had thrown him into some kind of shock. Later, when he can move again, Louis wants to do some more research. Until then, he doesn’t have many options. 

His lip trembles but no tears escape, and he’s confused, but he lets himself fall under easily and doesn’t try to fight it. In some ways, the darkness is more pleasant than the sight of the alpha, lonely and hurting and afraid, and Louis lets go. 

+

Louis should not have given Niall and Liam an emergency key to his flat, but he figures it’s useless to take it back now. The damage has already been done. 

He wakes up in his bed, alone and disoriented. Furrowing his brows when his eyes open, Louis winces at the bitter taste in his mouth and the pain behind his temples. It isn’t until he sits up and goes to stretch that he hears the voices in his kitchen, clinking plates and whispering. And then he remembers. 

He’d dropped last night, when he’d gotten home. It’s not uncommon, not for the last year or two, but it still scares him when it happens. Louis hates it when he can’t control his own body. This is a fact that he’d kept hidden from Niall and Liam previously, but now they know. Louis wonders how long he can pretend to be asleep until they decide to leave. However, he knows his friends well, so he sighs and gently sets his feet over the side of the bed, walking quietly to the door and then out into the kitchen. 

“Louis, thank God,” Niall rushes, tackling him in a hug. 

“Hey,” he says quietly, hugging Niall back and nodding at Liam where he’s washing dishes in Louis’ sink from their breakfast. 

Stomach twirling with anxiety, Louis follows him back to the table and sits down, Liam close behind. He accepts the tea he’s offered and tries to keep his breathing even. 

“Why did you come over yesterday, Louis?” 

Oh no, Louis might cry. Liam doesn’t sound angry, but he certainly doesn’t sound happy with him. Once again, he’s messed everything up simply by being himself. 

Niall seems to see where Louis’ mind is going because he squeezes his arm reassuringly, but even he’s staring, waiting for him to answer. 

“I had your copy of _Mamma Mia_ and I wanted to drop it back off to you, but neither of you guys were picking up so I just decided to go over there and give it back to you in person and see if you guys were alright.” 

His sentence is long-winded and he’s a bit breathless by the end of it, even though he hadn’t said much. Louis swallows thickly and keeps his gaze on his cup and the slight tremble in his fingers when he taps them on the side of it. 

“Why’d you drop?” Niall asks from beside him, trying to keep his voice quiet. 

At first Louis goes to deny that it even happened, but there’s too much evidence to make something up on such short notice. “It’s okay,” he says. “It just happens sometimes.” 

“Sometimes?” Niall asks worriedly, “It’s happened more than once?” 

Louis doesn’t answer them but they already seem to know, anyway. He counts the seconds of stilted silence inside his head to distract himself from their careful gazes. 

“It’s not okay, Louis,” Liam leans forward, voice raising. “You dropped last night. That’s not okay and it’s not normal.” 

Tears do come then, like Louis thought they would, but he wipes them with the back of his hand and shrugs. “It’s really none of your business,” he bites. 

It hurts him as the words leave his mouth. He wants to curl up in his blankets and sob, feel bad about himself for a few hours until he’s able to get up off of the floor again. But he can’t right now, pinned between Liam’s glare and Niall’s open mouth, unsure of what to say to make things better. 

He’s always so defensive but his brain replays the mantra _I’m so scared please don’t leave me alone_ on repeat. Louis hopes they can see through the act. Dropping makes him even more sensitive than usual, more cognizant of people’s emotions and tone of voice, and today is no different. If he had an alpha, none of this would ever be an issue. 

He doesn’t. 

Liam shakes his head and goes to say several things, Louis’ sure, but in the end just gets up and grabs his things and walks out the door. Louis turns to Niall with glassy eyes. 

“It’s okay, Lou, he’s just angry.” 

He accepts Niall’s embrace eagerly, letting himself be rocked while he bites his lip to keep his noises in. It doesn't do much, he’s still visibly upset, but Niall just shushes him, petting a hand over his hair soothingly. 

“He’ll apologize later. Everything will be fine,” he says. 

That sounds lovely, but Louis doesn’t believe him. Instead of anything being resolved, everything is just infinitely worse now. All because of Louis. Always because of Louis. Niall and Liam are still closer with the other alpha than with him, and now he’s ruined Harry’s progress in whatever they’d been working on which will make his friends hate him even more. If he hadn’t been so impatient maybe things would’ve been different. 

And he hadn’t wanted Liam and Niall to know about his tendency to drop, but now they do and it almost hurts worse that he just walked out instead of being concerned. Louis doesn’t complain - he knows he deserves it anyway. 

Niall’s company is wonderful, but even that’s fleeting now so Louis snuggles up underneath his chin and exhales shakily. When he inhales subconsciously in search of the other alpha’s scent, Louis comes up empty. He bites his lip to stop the sob coming up his throat. 

“It’ll be okay, Lou,” Niall says reassuringly, a hand rubbing softly over his back

It probably won’t be, but Louis focuses on the sound of his voice and tries to believe it, if only until Niall leaves and he’s alone again. It might just be the only thing that keeps him from dropping all over again. 

+

When Liam apologizes, Louis isn’t expecting it. He’s at the cafe moving boxes of their new silverware into the back room from behind the counter, and trying not to let anyone know how much it’s hurting his back. 

They’re all metal, not the faux-metal plastic ones like he’d wanted, and they’re unbelievably heavy inside of the boxes. Louis’ the only one working though, so he doesn’t have much of a choice. After an excruciating twenty minutes, he’s moved all but one. He puts his hands on his hips and glares at it menacingly but, unfortunately, running off of only sheer will, it doesn’t move. Huffing, he advances toward it anyways. 

It’s been radio silence from Liam over the past week, only seeing Niall for a few minutes here and there or talking to him on the phone. He wishes he could be angry with them but he’s got no idea how much he’s messed Harry up so he keeps quiet. Louis’ so in his head that he misses the sound of the door chiming and clear footfalls coming toward him. 

“Need some help?” Liam peeks over the counter just as he’s picked it up from the ground. 

“I’m okay, thanks.” 

Luckily, Liam either doesn’t believe him or just doesn’t care, because he’s behind the counter next, catching the box that Louis’d been about to drop from his hands. He watches Liam take it into the back and put it with the others before he comes back and stands in front of Louis. 

“Thanks,” Louis offers, looking down toward his feet. There’s no immediate response, so Louis just keeps swaying awkwardly on his heels while he waits to see what Liam will do. 

“I’m sorry. I was just nervous, I guess,” he scratches the back of his neck with his hand, “Harry was doing awful and you were doing awful and I was just so worried and then you acted like everything was just fine, and I -” he cuts himself off. 

“I’m sorry, too. I really didn’t mean to make him -” and Louis doesn’t finish speaking either because he’s too choked up, swallowing around the lump in his throat and the burn of his eyes as they moisten. 

That’s the thing - he doesn’t know _what_ he’d made Harry do, what was wrong with him in the first place. He hadn’t thought it possible, but maybe alphas can drop, too? He doesn’t even know what he’s apologizing for, but he’s definitely _sorry_. 

“C’mere, Louis.” 

Hugging Liam is one of Louis’ favorite things to do. Niall is cuddly and sweet, but Liam is firm and tall and warm. Sort of like an alpha but without the scent, making him perfect for Louis to leech comfort from. He’s missed this. 

Louis sinks into his arms carefully as if Liam might decide to push him away but he falls into it soon enough. With a careful hand on his upper back, Liam pats him once, twice, before pulling back. 

“I’ve got to go back now but I think Niall said we’d swing by your place later tonight, if you’re up for it.” 

“Yeah, that’d be great,” Louis smiles. Then, when Liam’s already halfway out the door, Louis calls to him again, “Hey, Li?” 

Liam’s head peeks over his shoulder to meet Louis’ eyes again, an eyebrow raised. 

“Is, uhm, is Harry okay?” He can feel his cheeks flood with color when Liam smiles at him a bit, head tilting to one side as he stares at Louis. 

“He will be,” is all Liam says, nodding once and then leaving the cafe. 

Louis rolls his lips together and makes himself some tea, grabbing a bagel off the display case even though he’s been told not to do that anymore. He leans back against the counter while he eats. 

This time, he’s going to wait. He’s not going to be impatient or try to rush things, and he’s not going to bother Niall and Liam constantly for attention. For once in his life, he’s going to be _good_. 

Not because it’s an alpha or because he feels forced to, but because he’s just sort of realized over the past few weeks how much he values Liam and Niall’s friendship. Louis trusts them - _believes_ them when they say that they’re doing what’s best to help Harry. And if that means a few less sleepovers during the month, that’s the price he’ll pay. 

The epiphany doesn’t offer him much reassurance, he’s still anxious and lonely, but at least this gives him a goal. Something he can keep himself occupied with and work towards. And, eventually, if Harry improves, maybe Louis can help him, too, like his friends do. Bake him things and talk really slowly so he doesn’t get scared, try to figure out what made him the way he is and what it’s going to take to make him better again. For now, Louis will endure the most difficult part of the plan. 

Waiting. 

+

A month later, his plan is moving along smoothly. Liam and Niall actually seem to be a bit happier again, and they’re sleeping over more. They don’t cuddle as much because apparently the alpha is sensitive to scents, but Louis can’t even bring himself to care. He’s just happy they’re somewhat back to normal. 

Today, Louis thinks the plan may have to be called off. 

His friends are over again, they’ve just arrived, but they smell _different_. It’s strong and alpha and they’re tracking it all over his flat. He tries to ignore it because they’re both obviously happy, grinning wide and laughing when he opens the door. Niall moves in for a hug and Louis steps back, eyeing him up and down. 

“What?” Niall asks. 

“Is that - you smell like alpha,” he says, voice getting higher toward the end. He sees the moment it clicks on Niall’s face, when his eyebrows raise and he nods, looking over at Liam. 

“Harry didn’t have any neutralizers on today,” he wrings his hands, “Sorry, I forgot to shower before we came.” 

Louis tells him it’s fine and they look at him funny but he shrugs them off, proceeding with the rest of their plans for the night. He keeps quiet during dinner while they eat, pushing around the food on his plate and swirling his drink around absently. 

He wonders what’s changed in the alpha; if he stopped hiding his scent because he meant to or if it was an accident. Louis thinks about asking, but they’re already suspicious of his interest and he doesn’t much want to push it. When Liam turns on the television, Louis sits down next to Niall again but doesn’t try to cuddle. He thinks it’d be too obvious if he did. 

Because that scent - _Harry’s_ scent - quite literally takes Louis’ breath away. It’s not like the alphas that come into the cafe and boss people around, a mix of boy and body spray and whichever omega they’d bedded the night before. 

That isn’t what the scent on Liam and Niall is. This one is strong, heady, and it makes Louis sort of dizzy when he breathes in too deeply. It smells like dark chocolate and warmth and a fireplace and everything Louis considers to be cozy and homey. 

It’s what he wishes his pile of blankets smelled like when he curls up in them at night. He already feels calmer, head a bit clearer, and he’s only getting a small amount of it. Louis imagines what it might feel like to be in the same room as the alpha. Without thinking too much about it, he kneels down onto the blankets and pulls on Niall’s arm to get him to come down, and then nudges Liam with his foot to get his attention. 

Liam raises a brow and addresses Louis, “Are you sure?” 

Cheeks pink, Louis tries to hide them by fussing with the positioning of their pallet and nodding at Liam’s question. No one says anything, which makes Louis happy. They just shift around on the blankets and let the scent come off on them, ignoring his thundering heartbeat which Louis knows they can both hear. 

He doesn’t even care because everything feels okay again right now, with Niall on one side and Liam on the other, the TV on softly in the background. With his hands tangled in the material, sleep-soft and hazy as he lays his head on Niall’s shoulder and exhales before subtly breathing in the scent again. 

He’s not dropping. No, this is so much better. He gives in to the feeling just as easily as he did that night, but it’s entirely different. Safe. He’s not worried about anything. It’s easy to forget how nice it can be to have an alpha around when you avoid them at all costs. 

Louis tries to remind himself that this is exactly why he dislikes them so much, their innate ability to take away his sound reasoning and control of his own body, but it doesn’t do much good. 

It’s probably going to make him a little insane for the time being and he may even have withdrawals when the scent fades from his clothes and bedding, but Louis decides he’ll worry about all of that later. Right now he’s going to take full advantage of it and get the sleep he misses out on every other night, feeling rested, happy, and, for once actually pleasantly and completely _omega_. 

+

“We have a proposition,” Niall says, fingers linked together formally on top of the table. 

Louis’ on break yet again, stomach grumbling and halfway through another croissant and a muffin, but they’ve come to distract him anyways. He meets Niall’s eyes with a squint. 

“Go on,” he says. 

“You can totally say no,” Liam reminds him, nudging his arm. “But we think you could help us.” 

Still in business mode, Niall leans forward onto the table a bit more and holds Louis’ gaze as he swallows, inhales, and begins to describe their idea. 

“Harry is getting better. A lot better, actually. We’re finally getting him out of the house a bit now, somewhere other than just our flats.”

Liam nods, “He also stopped covering his scent, which is massive for him.” 

“Okay,” Louis drawls, “So he’s doing really well. Why do you need my help?” 

The betas share another look like they’ve done so many times in the past, biting their lips and deciding who should speak first. Eventually, it’s Liam. 

“All of Harry’s problems come from one source-” Liam pauses, glancing at Louis hesitantly before he continues, “-omegas. Basically you’d come to my flat a few times a week and we’d see how far he can get before he gets too overwhelmed, like last time.” 

Nodding slowly, Louis mulls over the details in his head. If he accepts, he’ll be able to not only help his friends but he’ll also get to have that scent up close and personal. In the end, there isn’t all that much to think about. 

“I’ll do it.” 

“What, just like that?” Niall asks, eyes narrowing on Louis questioningly, “You don’t like alphas.” 

Louis rolls his eyes, “I’m not _heartless_. He’s important to you guys and he obviously needs some help. I’d be happy to do it.” 

He’s worried that by the end of his speech he’s gone a bit too far, sounded a bit too eager, but Liam and Niall just visibly exhale and grin at him, and even though he can’t track their emotions Louis can feel the positive shift in the air. 

Being good is fun, he decides. He should do it more often. It feels much more rewarding than the faces of horror when he’d kicked that guy all those months ago. 

“Perfect,” Niall breathes, “when can you start?” 

“Oh, uhm, whenever you guys think he’s ready, I guess. As long as it’s not during work hours.” 

Liam nods and pats his shoulder, pulling his jacket back on as he stands from the booth with Niall following after. 

“We really appreciate you doing this, Louis. It’s definitely going to be a process, but I think this could be really good for him.” 

They haven’t looked this optimistic in a long time, so it’s all Louis needs to decide that he’s going to do whatever it takes to help Harry. He doesn’t even feel like it’s the people-pleasing omega part of himself, just knowing that he can make Liam and Niall happy and maybe even heal an alpha in the process. 

When he’d first been settling into the city he’d taken full advantage of Liam and Niall, so he feels slightly indebted to them anyway. Made them carry all of his things around, move around the boxes he hadn’t unpacked yet, and help him build furniture he ordered. This won’t be the same kind of favor, really, but it’s a favor all the same. 

Besides, it isn’t everyday that an alpha needs help from an omega for something instead of it being the other way around. It’s going to be interesting, and Louis kind of really wants to see what’s going to happen. 

He’s so giddy that he skips behind the counter and sends Liam and Niall home with three bags of sweets, one for each of them and one for Harry. He isn’t even embarrassed when they tease him about it, either. 

Louis has no idea what he’s going to have to do, whether he’ll need touch or just company or talking, but he’s going to prepare himself for everything. Already, inside of his head, he can picture the bubble bath he’s going to run himself when he gets home, the thorough washing and shaving and pampering that will take place. 

It’s going to be heavenly. The lunch rush doesn’t even get on his nerves. 

Louis’ still incredibly sensitive, but usually that’s a bad thing because he gets sad. Right now, even with a coffee stain on the front of his shirt from a clumsy customer and the fact that he’s working an extra long shift, he just feels fantastically, incredibly happy. He’s got his friends back. 

+

Bathtime is wonderful. Despite the fact that he’s preparing much too early for something that might not even happen, Louis soaks in the bubbles for an hour or two, until his skin wrinkles and the water is cold, before he steps out onto the fluffy rug and dries off. A bit of pampering had been long overdue. 

He uses all of his best products but tries not to pick out any with too much of a scent, since he knows Harry is sensitive to them. Louis blushes when he realizes what exactly that means - that he’s walking into a room with an alpha with no form of cover whatsoever, at least scent-wise. 

Most omegas cover up a percentage of their scents, whether small or large, due to the way they supposedly distract alphas. That’s something that Louis used to roll his eyes at, but he figures he can’t complain too much now, since just the faint scent of Harry on Niall and Liam the other night made his vision hazy and rendered his mind into a useless pile of omega-mush. 

He isn’t sure how long it’ll be before they think Harry is ‘ready’, whether that means a few hours or a few weeks, so Louis decides to text Niall and ask. 

After he sends it, he panics because he thinks it probably sounds like he’s desperate or something, but then he remembers that Harry is the one that _really_ needs him. That makes it slightly better. He’s still somewhat in control this way. 

With his towel around his waist, Louis walks out to his bed and sits back against the pillows. His phone dings a minute later. 

_hes still not sure abt it_ , Niall’s text reads, _we may have to talk him into it more first_. 

Sighing, Louis goes to grab some pajamas from the dresser and tries not to be too disappointed. He’s going to be good and if good means waiting, then Louis will just have to be patient. Liam and Niall certainly are when it comes to _him_. 

But then his phone vibrates again when he’s got a shirt halfway on, this time with Liam’s name popping up on the screen. He picks up on the first ring, one arm shoved awkwardly into a sleeve and the other clutching the phone to his ear. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey,” Liam chuckles nervously, “Want to come over?” 

+

An hour later, Louis’ standing outside Liam's door. And he has been for a good ten minutes or so. They can probably smell him out here, but Louis figures it’ll give Harry some time to get used to his scent before he’s up close and personal with it. 

Looking down to check over his outfit for the hundredth time, Louis lifts a hand to smooth out his shirt but it brushes against the wood when he does. 

Liam answers a minute later even though Louis hadn’t gotten a chance to properly knock yet, looking happy but nervous. He’s expecting to see Harry in the living room again, but when Louis brushes past Liam to get to it he isn’t in there. 

“Harry’s upstairs,” Liam explains, shutting the door, “Niall’s trying to talk him into coming down.” 

“Oh, should I not have -” 

“No! I think he needs this, he’s just scared. You’ll have to go slow with him.”

Louis nods. He opens his mouth to ask Liam what exactly he’s supposed to be doing in the first place, but then Niall comes down the stairs to greet him. Louis frowns when no scent follows him down. Harry’s decided to cover up his scent again, then. 

“Hey, Lou,” Niall side-hugs him, “you’re going to have to go upstairs, I think. He seems to be more comfortable in there.” 

So, nodding again, Louis doesn’t respond, just puts his foot on the first step and focuses on putting one in front of the other. The further he gets, the more he can just barely scent the remnants of the alpha before he’d decided to erase it- that dark chocolate and fireplace smell that he still has on his blankets at home. 

But underneath the fading current, there are his emotions. 

Harry is nervous and tired among other things, but what Louis can sense the most is fear. Cold and hollow, the feeling permeates down the corridor when he walks up to it, trying to make his footsteps loud enough for Harry to hear so he won’t be surprised. 

Louis hadn’t even thought about the effect this would have on himself. He hopes he doesn’t freak out, or drop _completely_ , for that matter. 

Earlier it sounded nice to help out his friends, but now everything feels a lot more monumental. Like everything he’s about to say or do is going to have a massive impact on the frightened alpha on the other side of the door. Maybe he hadn’t realized how messed up Harry truly was. 

He likes bossing people around jokingly, but surprisingly, the thought of having control over an alpha makes him want to vomit. The last thing he wants is to come across as threatening, especially when he already feels so out of sorts with his omega side. Louis has a difficult time believing that an omega did this to him. 

Knocking very quietly, Louis waits a few seconds before he pushes the door open slightly, just enough to peek into the room. 

It’s Liam’s guest bedroom, he guesses, all clean and sterile in a way that the rest of his house isn’t. It’s impersonal, but Harry’s scent, though faint, is making it difficult to focus on anything but him, taking up the room anyway and making it _his_. 

Louis tries not to be offended that he’d probably put on the neutralizer after they told him he was coming over, and focuses on masking his own emotions and using any cues he can pick up on to determine how to act. 

He takes a step forward, reaching behind him and pushing slightly until he hears the latch click. Even that sound is deafening in the room, between the air conditioning and Harry’s short, punctuated inhales and exhales. Louis’ holding his breath. 

Harry’s sat on a couch in the far corner of the room, on the very end near the wall. He appears normal but Louis can immediately tell that he isn’t. Back hunched over like he’s trying to curl in on himself and hands clutching his thighs so hard that they’re white, he’s still terrified, if Louis had any doubts. 

Unfortunately, he doesn’t have much experience for moments like these. Alphas are typically overconfident and extremely pushy- commanding and directing everyone around with no regard for anyone else’s opinions or feelings. Harry is definitely not giving off those vibes and Louis’ got no idea what to do. 

The closer he gets, the more he notices. Harry’s eyes are clenched shut, his mouth quivering like he’s holding back sobs. His entire body shakes almost as badly as it had when Louis walked into Liam’s apartment for the first time, but he seems slightly more determined at least. 

He’s struck at once by the fact that Harry should probably be dealing with a true professional. He’d known it was bad, but - it looks _bad_. 

Moving to stand against the far wall, Louis clears his throat softly. 

“Hi,” he says carefully. “I’m Louis.” 

It feels absolutely stupid the longer the silence stratches on, but it’d been a start. He doesn’t expect Harry to talk much, anyway. 

“I don’t really know much, but,” Louis pauses, unsure of what to say. “I - I’m here to help you.” 

The alpha gives him no response, but he tenses each time Louis speaks. Exhaling quietly, Louis slides his back down the wall until he hits the floor, bringing his knees up to his chest defensively. 

Ignoring the way the alpha’s ignorance brings embarrassed tears to Louis’ own eyes, he tries to even his breathing so he won’t upset him any more. This is Niall and Liam’s fault, really. They hadn’t prepared him at all for any of this. 

On top of that, they know Louis isn’t fond of alphas. Which is practically code for: he has no idea how to be around them unless he’s trying to actively hurt them in order to protect himself. This one looks like he’s been hurt enough. 

Shaking his head again, Louis tries to refocus. The alpha may be covering his scent, but Louis isn’t. All of his emotions are there for him to pick up on, to practically absorb whether he wants to or not, and he’s just adding to the stress. 

There’s a jacket laying to the right of Harry on the sofa that still smells strongly of him. Louis notices it with a small, excited jolt, inhaling until he can feel its effects. Almost immediately, he calms. 

With his head resting against the wall and his posture relaxing, Louis lets his eyes fall shut, hoping his change in demeanor will help Harry. 

At first it doesn’t seem like it. Louis peeks at him every few minutes and he’s the same as he had been before, tense and frightened with his face hidden behind his curls. Then, slowly, he begins to move. 

It’s stilted still, like he’s afraid he may get in trouble for doing so, but it’s a start. His clenched fists unravel finger by finger when he thinks Louis isn’t looking. They flex where they’re resting on his muscular thighs, sore, Louis’ sure, from how tightly they’d been wound. 

When he shifts a bit more, there are visible, deep red fingernail marks on the inside of his palm. Louis winces on his behalf. He’s been there, too. 

Louis used to have a habit of doing that in public. Whenever there was a pushy alpha around or too many people in a crowd and he couldn’t get out. He wouldn’t even realize it until he returned home and they began to burn. 

Harry seems to be doing the same thing now, glancing confusedly down at the half-moons like he doesn’t remember putting them there. 

The small bit of familiarity makes Louis feel better about their arrangement. If he knows what he’s going through, as much as an omega can with an alpha, it’ll be easier for Louis to help him. 

“Harry? Louis?” Liam pokes his head in at the far end of the room. 

As quickly as Louis’ ever seen him move, Harry’s head flies around to look at him, his body sagging some against the couch at some familiarity. 

Louis stands without making too much of a fuss at his cue, then heads over to the door where Liam’s got it propped open. Without looking back, he walks to the living room where Niall’s sitting. 

“So,” he prompts excitedly, “how did it go?” 

“Okay, I guess,” Louis shrugs as Liam comes up beside him.

“He said he wanted to take a nap, so he’ll be up there for a bit. Did he say anything to you at all?” 

Louis shakes his head, “No. He just seemed really scared, still.” 

“Yeah, it’s probably going to be like that for a while,” he frowns. 

Niall jumps up from his seat to give Louis a tight hug, commending him anyway. Louis’ feet dangle above the ground as he laughs despite himself. 

“That’s okay,” he says. “We’ll get there. You didn’t do anything wrong, Harry’s just - he’s doing his best.” Nodding, Louis goes to leave when Niall puts him down. 

He’s always thought of himself as sensitive. He’d never have viewed an alpha that way, and figures there probably aren’t very many that would appreciate the description. But Niall doesn’t say it in a mean way at all, and he always speaks highly of Harry when he isn’t around. 

Louis walks home trying to ignore the twinge of disappointment in his stomach, sitting sour like a reminder of his failure. There he goes again, he thinks, being sensitive. 

But if Harry, an alpha, can be sensitive and still have people look up to him as much as Liam and Niall do, Louis figures it can’t be that bad. He can tell Harry used to be strong, anyway. It’s in his intricate tattoos, his muscles underneath his loose shirt, his piercing green eyes Louis never quite got a chance to see properly. He can be strong again, he just needs help. He isn’t weak. 

And maybe that’s what Louis needs too: some help. The thing he’s refused from anyone for so many years since he’s presented. Maybe, without all of the things that make Louis dislike alphas, he can learn to grow with him. 

Louis’ confused and a bit hopeful but halfway just annoyed so far. He hopes Harry turns out to be a damn good alpha, because all Louis really wants is his friends and his life back to normal. 

+

He decides things might go better next time if he makes somewhat of a plan. It hadn’t been the smartest idea to just go in there as hastily as he had, and it probably frightened Harry more than it would have if he’d been more prepared. He figures they probably both want to get this whole training thing over with as fast as possible anyway. 

Dialing Liam’s number, Louis kicks his feet up on the coffee table, his open notebook in his lap with the pen in the middle. 

“Hello?” he asks. 

“I need you to ask Harry some questions for me,” he starts immediately. 

“Uhm, alright,” Liam drawls. “Do you want to talk to him, or?” 

Louis scoffs and shakes his head even though Liam can’t see. 

“Obviously not, Liam. I just need you to make a list of the things I’m about to tell you and get the answers to me by the next time I come over. I wasn’t adequately prepared before and that was my bad.” 

It’s both presumptuous and out of character for him to say because there’s been no indication that Louis will be _invited_ back over. In fact, it’s been mostly the opposite. He doesn’t let it deter him. If there’s anything that will cure the alpha, it’s consistency and loyalty. That’s one thing that even a traumatized alpha can’t deny. 

“Are you ready?” Louis prompts. 

“Yes, yeah. Let me just get - okay, I’m ready,” Liam stumbles, sounding like he’d just gotten settled on the other end of the phone. 

“First I need to know if I should wear neutralizers. I know the entire point of this is for him to get used to an omega again and my scent, but I feel like things might go a bit smoother if we get to know each other without that first.” 

He gives Liam time to write it down before he speaks again. When he says he’s got it, Louis launches into the next thing he’s got down on the paper in front of him. 

“We need to make sure that our cycles don’t overlap. If you’ll send me a calendar for him I can plan around them so that doesn’t become a factor.” 

An alpha’s rut is a dangerous thing, a concept Louis’ never gotten to experience but has heard plenty of horror stories about. How they lose control, revert to their most primal selves, unable to think clearly until it passes, usually between four to six days depending on their age and if they spend it with an omega. The last thing he wants is to be caught in the room with him if he loses control, and he would feel awful if he triggered it with one of his heats. 

But, if his thinking is correct, Harry is probably also scared of his rut just like he is with everything else. Thus far he’s been terrified of any of his distinctly alpha qualities so Louis wouldn’t be surprised if he was just as nervous about accidentally slipping into it. It would just be safer all the way around if they planned far away from both of their cycles. 

“What else?” 

“I need a list of things he likes. It doesn’t have to be overly specific, just like... scents he responds well too, food he enjoys, things like that.” 

“I can do that,” Liam pauses, “Is there anything else you want to know?” 

Louis struggles to bite his tongue. He wants to know a lot of other things, yes, like why Harry is the way he is and who did that to him. Louis wants to know why he’s so fascinated with the alpha when he doesn’t even _speak_. He wants to know much more than he should. 

“That’s all for now. I’ll let you know if I think of anything else,” he quips, hanging up. 

Heaving a sigh, Louis moves his scrawled notes to the side and pulls his legs up onto the sofa. His head has been pounding for a couple of hours now, refusing to cease even after a dose of his strongest migraine medication. Louis scrunches up his nose to fight it as his eyes begin to water. 

Eventually he sinks down a level until he’s on the ground, surrounded by the same blankets he’s been leaving there recently. His own scent doesn’t offer him much relief but it’s all he has. 

Picking up the remote, Louis flips the television on for some quiet background noise and lays his head back. He shivers despite the heat in the flat. It’s probably nothing, he figures. 

The show on the telly is a romance, a stereotypical bare-chested alpha riding in on horseback to save the omega in distress. For a few minutes he watches it without blinking. Both of them ride off into the sunset after he defeats the antagonist, the omega cradled happily in his arms. Louis smiles despite himself, then he turns it off again. 

What a terrible thing, he thinks, to be afraid of your own self. 

+

Their second meeting goes much better than the first, although Harry still doesn’t speak to him. Louis comes more prepared this time. 

He’s got on scent neutralizers first and foremost, hoping it will be less intimidating. There’s also a stack of books tucked underneath his arm that he can occupy himself with if Harry still doesn’t talk to him so he doesn’t just have to stare. 

Liam texted him the answers to all of his questions except for the most important one - Harry’s rut. Apparently, because of his trauma, they’ve become irregular and he isn’t able to pinpoint exactly when they’ll hit or what could trigger them. 

As much as Louis wants to be angry with him for the inconvenience, he still just feels sad. He knows he wouldn’t be able to live like that, having no idea when he would need to be locked up at the snap of his fingers, no way to anticipate the pain. It’s not an ideal way to live, and Louis thinks he’s beginning to understand why Harry doesn’t like to leave the house. 

But Harry likes the scent of vanilla, Liam told him. He also likes sweets, which Louis would have brought had this not been such short notice. Louis was in the middle of a shift when Liam asked if he’d come over again. As quickly as possible afterward, he’d ran home and doused himself in the scentless perfume before heading over. 

Now he’s here, sitting in the same spot as before. 

“Good evening,” Louis says as he settles in, wincing at his own language. 

The alpha spares him a long glance but says nothing. In the guest room, he’s sitting in the chair today instead of on the sofa and he seems slightly more comfortable now that Louis’ scent isn’t actively attacking his senses. 

Swallowing his pride, Louis inhales deeply to prepare himself. _Nothing to lose,_ he thinks. 

“I won’t keep bothering you, but I wanted to say something,” he begins, already breathless, “We’re both wearing neutralizers,” Louis says slowly, watching the alpha tense, “so I just wanted to say that we can get comfortable with each other like this before we bring any scents into it. Just as people, regardless of classification.” 

Harry blinks once, twice, then barely tilts his head to one side like he’s considering the statement. Niall told him that they’d explained the situation to Harry long beforehand, so he knows why Louis’ here and what he’s talking about. 

His scent doesn’t expose him this time but Louis is still incredibly anxious. He glances subtly around the room in search of something that holds Harry’s scent to calm down before it becomes noticeable. 

It’s only on one thing. It takes Louis a minute to locate it with everything else in the room, but he finds it moments later. A single black t-shirt sits on top of the dresser next to the door. Only smelling faintly of him, Louis frowns but focuses on it so hard that his eyes fall shut. He feels better almost immediately. 

“So, um,” he starts awkwardly. He fumbles for something else to say, something to put Harry at ease and maybe even himself because he doesn’t know where to go from here. “How was your day?” 

Harry blinks at him, as if confused at the question. 

_Seriously?_ Louis shakes it off and answers himself. “My day was kind of boring. I work at a cafe and I had two long shifts in the morning when there’s barely any people coming in.” 

He pauses, waiting for any sort of acknowledgement or hint that Harry is paying attention. He doesn’t receive any, narrowing his eyes as Harry continues staring at him. It leaves him feeling a bit lost. He’s never had to actively _try_ to engage in conversation with an alpha before. 

The rest of the hour goes by excruciatingly slow and Louis’ frustration blooms with it. He attempts more conversation but receives no responses beyond blank looks and the occasional twitch of muscles for his efforts, and nothing that looks even remotely like a positive thing. 

Niall pops his head in right as Louis is standing up to leave. He looks between them and smiles eagerly at Louis. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Louis lets out a rushed, “Bye,” before walking past Niall and out of the room. He doesn’t look back once. 

“So?” Niall asks, rushing after him. 

“He won’t speak,” Louis bursts, groaning. The frustration and annoyance that’s been simmering for the past sixty minutes pours out of him like a dam breaking. “No matter what I said or asked- he didn’t speak! He just sat there and stared. How am I supposed to help him become more comfortable around omegas if he won’t talk to me?” 

“He’s _trying,”_ Niall insists, eyes wide. “It’s going well!”

Louis scoffs. “How?”

“I just peeked in and Harry doesn’t look as scared as he normally does!” Niall tells him enthusiastically. “He didn’t look as tense either! It’s like he’s getting used to you.”

Scowling, Louis stomps to the living room where Liam is waiting on the couch, head immediately snapping up as they enter.   
“How’d it go?” he asks, just as eager. 

“Do you guys just sit out here and wait while we’re upstairs?” Louis asks, wrinkling his nose. “Isn’t that a bit… much?” 

“We’re just excited,” Niall says. “This is actually working, Lou! Harry seems to be getting better!”

“Is he?” Louis questions, dubious. “It’s only been two sessions.” 

“A couple months ago, there’s no way he would have been able to even _consider_ being in the same room as an omega,” Liam points out. 

“Just remember how he was that one time you came over unannounced,” Niall adds. “That Harry and this Harry are miles apart in progress!”

Louis sighs. He supposes his friends are right but it’s just so _frustrating_. There’s nothing he hates more than feeling awkward and helpless around an alpha, even if the alpha is arguably feeling even more awkward in their situation. He just spent an hour with that feeling curling in his stomach and he doesn’t like it.

“Just be patient,” Niall says softly. 

Patient. Louis has been doing a lot of that lately. “Do you guys genuinely believe that this is working?” he asks carefully. “That he’ll get better?”

“Yes,” says Liam automatically. 

“Definitely,” Niall follows. 

He sighs again. “Fine,” he relents. He really hopes Niall and Liam acknowledge how good of a friend he is for doing this, because _honestly._ “Let me know when you want me to come over again.” 

“We really appreciate this, Lou,” Niall tells him, pulling him into a hug. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis says, letting his hands hang limply by his sides during the embrace. “I’ll see you guys soon I guess.” 

“It’s all going to be worth it,” Liam promises. 

_Yeah_ , Louis thinks. _It better be_. 

+

“Did you bake the cookies?” 

It’s the first thing Harry ever says to him. 

The question startles Louis, having just come in and sat down against the wall again for their third session. He scrambles to think of what Harry’s talking about, vaguely remembering giving Liam and Niall a package of sweets to bring home to him before their arrangement started. 

“Oh, yeah,” Louis nods, trying not to seem nervous. “I did. Did you, uhm, did you like them?” 

Harry dips his chin up and down to his chest once and offers no other response. 

The short conversation dwindles out after that but Louis feels ecstatic. He’s sure Harry can feel it radiating off of him but he does little to mask it, wanting to make sure that the alpha knows he’s happy about the progress. 

The black t-shirt is back on top of the wardrobe by the door, but this time it smells heavily of Harry, as if he’d worn it to bed and then changed this morning and just left it there. It must be one of his favorites, Louis figures, because everything else is always explicitly neat and tidy, organized to a tee. The shirt is the only thing that holds just a little bit of the alpha that isn’t hidden away or stifled at all. 

Louis tries to initiate more conversation but gets nothing more than nods and shakes of Harry’s head as responses, nearly cheering out loud when he actually says, “Long time,” to Louis’ question about how long he’s known Liam and Niall. 

By the time Niall knocks on the door to let Louis know he should go now because they need to have dinner, Louis’ resolve has strengthened. This meeting had gone way better than the last two and he’s optimistic that the next one will be even better. That eventually Harry will relax and open up to him. That they can maybe even become _friends_. 

He may not know the alpha well yet, but he’s determined to change that, no matter how many sessions and awkward short conversations he’ll have to endure. 

Niall lets him say goodbye and Louis tells Harry it was nice to see him and that he’ll be back soon. Harry just nods, lips pursing when Louis says, “Bye,” and stands up to leave. 

Just before he gets out the door, Louis glances behind him to make sure Harry isn’t looking. Then he swipes the t-shirt from the top of the dresser and leaves the flat without another word. 

+

On his way home, Louis stops by the cafe to put in an extra order of what he’ll need to make more of the cookies to bring for next time. He picks up the phone to call Liam on the way. 

“Hello?” 

“I have another question now,” Louis tells him. 

“Sure,” Liam says, “what’s up?” 

“What’s his favorite color?” 

Louis places an extra order of blue frosting too. 

+

This time when Louis enters the room, Harry is already looking at him. He doesn’t seem scared or anxious like the past times. There’s some wariness, sure, but mostly there’s just grim curiosity, like he’s begrudgingly interested to see what Louis is going to say or suggest this time. 

It’s progress, he supposes. 

“How was your day?” is how he decides to break the silence.

Harry surprisingly doesn’t flinch at the question, brows furrowing as he considers his answer. He shrugs.

Louis raises an eyebrow. “What did you do?” He takes his usual seat, nostrils flaring as that warm, heady scent of firewood and dark chocolate registers in his senses. 

A subtle scan of the room finds a soft, hunter green jacket laying on the dresser. Louis stares at it for a moment before averting his gaze and focusing his attention on Harry as his low murmur sounds throughout the room. The suddenness of it still makes Louis jump. 

“I ate some more of your cookies.” 

“Oh,” Louis breathes, startled at the unexpectedly long reply. He hesitated before asking carefully, “Did you like the blue frosting?” 

The alpha nods, and then a peculiar thing happens. In place of what Louis assumes is a thank-you, Harry _smiles._ Or, well, he tries to. 

Louis almost doesn’t realize, eyes following in shock as the corners of Harry’s lips tilt up almost nervously on one side. It looks almost stiff- like smiling is something that Harry’s rusty or out of practice at. The thought sends an unexpected pang of sadness through him. Everyone deserves to smile, maybe _especially_ Harry, this sad, misunderstood shell of an alpha he is. 

Around some quiet mumbling, Louis can make out his soft, “...Favorite color,” as Harry keeps his eyes on his own lap. 

_I know,_ Louis thinks, clearing his throat awkwardly, his brain still stuck on an endless loop of: _you smiled._ “I’m glad you liked them,” he says sincerely. 

Silence prevails again and Louis hopes the little conversation doesn’t fizzle out. He’d been right - being here without the added layer of their scents makes things much easier. He hadn’t realized how anxious alphas and their intoxicatingly thick scents truly made him before now. 

Across from him Harry shifts carefully once, twice, stretching out his limbs like he’d been tense all over since Louis came in. He seems troubled for a moment and then his mouth dips as if he’s confused, the tip of his tongue poking out barely to wet his lower lip. 

“You?” Harry rasps.

“What’s my favorite color?” Louis checks. He bites his lip subconsciously. “Yellow. It’s a happy color.” 

“No,” Harry stops him, shaking his head. For a moment he looks so disappointed in himself that Louis nearly reaches out to soothe him, his face scrunching up into a displeased grimace. “Your day?” 

The fact that he’s still talking elicits a strange feeling in Louis’ chest, tight and warm. It’s not an unpleasant one like when alphas at his job try to talk to him. 

“It was alright,” Louis says. “I went to work and then came home and baked a bit more.” He shrugs, memorizing the pattern of the floorboard next to him. “Watched some TV, took a nap, and then came here.” 

“Is baking… your hobby?” Harry asks slowly. 

“Yeah,” Louis says. “I guess so. I work at a cafe, so,” he shrugs. “I’m around a lot of sweets.” 

“Vanilla,” Harry murmurs under his breath. He nods once and then freezes just as quickly, like he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Suddenly his chest begins to rise and fall much faster and Louis can tell he’s nervous, searching for something to change the subject and calm him down. 

He wishes he could ask Harry what he does but he’s pretty sure Harry isn’t currently working right now. Still, he wonders what Harry used to do. Broad shoulders, muscled arms, deep voice. Louis has no clue what he’d have been- a lawyer? A teacher? From what he’s seen so far he thinks Harry definitely could have been something before he was - _this_. 

“Right, so,” Louis says awkwardly, scrambling for another topic of conversation. He’s doing so well with getting Harry not to freak out and to _smile_ for fuck’s sake- he’s too optimistic and determined to let it end now. “Do you like music?” he blurts. 

Harry doesn’t answer, still tensed up. Louis can almost see the walls closing again and he refuses to let that happen. He’s come too far and Louis is not going to let that be for nothing. 

“I’m going to play some for you,” he says slowly. He fumbles for his phone, pulling up Apple Music and finding his classical music playlist. It’s what he listens to when he needs a distraction and to calm down and though he’s by no means an expert on this kind of music, he does have a nice selection. 

The first song that plays is Für Elise, a well-known enough song. The first few measures ring out from the device and sink into the air. 

“This is one of my favorites,” Louis whispers, feeling some pressure ease in his chest when Harry stills, relaxing. 

They listen in silence for a bit, letting Beethoven’s magical notes fill the room and lessen the tension. Louis watches Harry’s shoulders slowly un-hunch and his breathing even out, the distressed furrow between his brows vanishing. Relief courses through him, happy that his spontaneous idea worked. 

He almost misses Harry’s murmur, lost in the music until he catches his lips barely moving. 

“S’nice,” he breathes.

Louis nods, a smile curving his lips. “Isn’t it?” 

They listen in silence for a bit longer and then: “Thank you,” Harry whispers, so quiet that it almost fades into the air unheard. But Louis catches it, most of his attention focused on the alpha anyway. 

“You’re welcome,” Louis murmurs back, pleased. 

They spend the rest of the session listening to classical music. Louis figures there’s no need to push the progress he’s already made today any further, still optimistic and hopeful that things will continue on the same positive track in future sessions. 

The hour comes to a close and Louis is surprised when his phone buzzes and sees that Niall and Liam have opted against coming upstairs and disturbing them in favor of reminding him it’s time to go via text. 

“I’m going to go now,” Louis says softly, waiting for Harry’s answering nod before whispering, “Bye, Harry. I’ll see you soon.” 

When Harry ducks his head, not paying attention, Louis walks past the dresser and grabs the green jacket. Guilt prickles his insides, but it’s nowhere near enough for him to regret his act, especially when he leaves the building and gets into his car, immediately burying his nose in the soft material and inhaling the smell of fireplaces and dark chocolate and warmth and _safety._

This is the most potent and thick he’s ever smelled Harry’s scent and he can’t get enough of it. He doesn’t know how long he sits there, just breathing in the soothing smell and letting it seep into his weary muscles, leeching the tension from his body with ease. His omega is practically purring from satisfaction by the time he reluctantly pulls it away from his face and sets it on the passenger seat. 

He drives home with a light flush on his cheeks and the memory of Harry’s nervous smile replaying over and over in his head. 

+

Louis has to cancel their next meeting. He doesn’t do so until two days before, which he’s sure will throw everything off especially considering they’ve been doing so well in the last couple of sessions but he genuinely can’t help it this time. 

Heat has always been difficult for him. No one ever talks about heat in general, much less what a heat is like with touch starvation. Louis’ skin feels like it’s on fire, scorching and flaking off in random patches with no one to tame the burn. Regular omegas would crave a knot, but Louis craves anything he can get. Even just to be _near_ an alpha would help massively. 

Now that he’s older it’s as if he experiences a phantom heat. His bones ache and his heart pulls uncomfortably inside of his chest and he’s never able to catch his breath properly, but it’s almost like he’s disconnected from his own body. The pain is very much real, but Louis feels like he can see himself when he gets that way- can feel the disappointment simmering along the top of everything else in his veins. 

It isn’t pleasant, to say the least. 

The one and only silver lining about this heat specifically is hidden underneath his pillow case in his bedroom. Harry’s clothes. 

That evening when Louis comes home from work feeling distressed and achy, deep in the throes of his desperation, he crawls into his bed and pulls them all out. Everything from the black shirt from the first time he stole from the alpha, the lavender sweater he couldn’t help but filch during their last meeting. It’s newer so it’s got the thickest and freshest scent nestled in its fabric, and therefore it takes precedence over everything else in the pile. 

Little pieces he’d stolen when he could, things he feels awful about having taken but happy to have when he needs them. Looking at all of it together makes him feel a bit ashamed of himself. It really hadn’t seemed like that much when he was just taking it and shoving it here for later, and to be honest he doesn’t know how he’d gotten away with so much. 

A deeper, subconscious part of him must have been preparing for this moment because they’re working wonders for him in his preheat state. Usually he already feels so awful he can’t even function, but it’s the slightest bit better right now. 

Louis can’t help himself when he immediately buries his nose in the sweater, sighing softly when the familiar scent wafts into his nose and sinks into him as smooth as honey. An instant relief and comfort. He’s hard- he knows he is, slick soaking the back of his sweats and inner omega pleading for a knot which he’s never even actually experienced, but Harry’s scent soothes the raw yearning for the most part. It’s so much better than the numbness he usually feels. 

If he’s going to get himself off, he needs to be as calm and content as possible. An orgasm when he feels like he’s going to burn into ashes and blow into dust isn’t exactly ideal, in other words, but he does what he has to in order to make it through it. 

So he continues his process of thorough scenting, harvesting as much comfort from the sweater as possible. When he’s finished, he tucks it right up near his pillow right next to where he’ll lay his head when going to sleep. Then he picks up the next item, a large red sweater which he stole in their fifth session, and brings it to his face to nuzzle into because it quite possibly is the softest thing Louis has ever felt - and he owns enough maddeningly soft blankets to stock an entire store. He thinks he likes the sweaters best because the material is thicker and holds the scent longer than the t-shirts do. 

So he tucks that close to his pillow too, figuring that though the original fresh aroma has long since faded, he could at least rest his cheek on it while sleeping. 

Louis continues preparing his pallet, pulling out some of his said soft blankets for the outer layer along with spare pillow cases and any other soft material that his omega dubs as suitable and safe for itself.

Everything is adjusted and positioned to its prime spot, eyes constantly scoping out flaws and errors to erase from his sacred space. Almost an hour has passed since he first began, by the time he places the final pillow at the corner of his bed, completing the outer shell of the small mountain of clothing. 

For a second, Louis just steps back and admires it, basking in the satisfaction of creating something that his inner omega is so pleased with. However, the longer he stares, the more the prickling in his stomach that’s been present through the entire experience grows. 

It’s not a physical feeling so much as an inkling that something is off. Something is missing, or _someone._

Brushing off the sensation, he puts a knee on the bed and carefully crouches in the middle of everything, conscious as not to accidentally ruin his hard work and agonizing precision. He lays down stiffly, curling up and shrinking into himself. His eyes flutter shut tightly and he inhales, letting Harry’s scent overwhelm his mind and bring him to peace.

Well, not quite. Not even a second later his eyes shoot open toward the ceiling, the pain in his stomach swirling to an all time high. 

And - oh _God,_ Louis realizes to his horror, he’s just built a _nest_. 

He’s built his first real, true nest with clothes from an alpha that absolutely do _not_ belong to him. And he’s taken them without the alpha’s consent, not to mention the fact that his body knows the alpha isn’t actually _here._ The heat soars even higher, pain in his abdomen and temples until his vision goes blurry. 

Taking deep breaths, Louis realizes with great horror that he’s about to cry. When that registers, it’s much too late to stop it. The tears spill onto his cheeks and trickle down his face and onto the bed. He lets out a choked sob, unable to stop as he cries harder and harder. 

He gets hot tears all over his hard work, on all of Harry’s nice shirts and sweaters and all over his blankets and pillow cases. Nesting is supposed to make him feel _better_ , but today it’s only making the burning pain inside his chest ache that much more. 

The absence of his alpha is glaringly obvious in the privacy of his small room. Louis feels like he needs to fold himself smaller, take up less space so that alpha can fill it up. Except, Harry isn’t coming. 

He’s at his flat, probably perfectly fine while Louis is falling apart. Probably wondering where all of his clothes and belongings have gone. Louis wouldn’t have taken them if he hadn’t physically _needed_ them - his pain is usually much worse than this. Harry’s scent is calming to him, even if it doesn’t take away all of his suffering. 

Louis buries his nose into the garments and inhales desperately to try to get it to _stop_ because _it hurts_ and sometimes when it’s this bad he wishes it would just stop altogether. He _hates_ his omega, he _hates_ his body, and he _hates_ the circumstance. Louis hates, more than anything, not being in control of his own body, of not being good enough. 

In the end, the scent is nice but it still isn’t quite enough. Louis passes out with sweat dripping off of him and onto Harry’s clothes, the scent of them together too intoxicating to ignore. Louis inhales one last time and promptly loses consciousness. 

+

The feeling doesn’t really fade. Louis endures several long days of his heat that seem to pass by in an excruciating blur, desire and nausea and exhaustion claiming him at once. When he’s able to stand, he forces himself to the shower and the sink to clean himself up properly through a haze. 

He’s off work for the week so he doesn’t have to worry much about that, but he’s especially grateful for the long break this time. 

Louis went into heat roughly a day after his last session with Harry, and by the time he’s supposed to go visit him again an entire week later, he still feels unsteady, still handicapped with some of the symptoms that hadn’t quite faded. 

Hot flashes cause him to be an irritable, frustrated mess even when he’s alone. The fever lasts for days afterward. He stumbles around the flat because his vision blurs in and out for periods of time and once or twice he hits his knee on the table trying to lie down on the sofa until he’s able to get up. 

The heat itself is out of his system but Louis’ never experienced this sort of thing before where he can’t shake the side effects. 

By the seventh day afterward, he feels just slightly better. The odd symptoms are lessening but the evidence is still strikingly clear - Louis’ got dark bags underneath his eyes and his back is hunched when he walks. His feet drag the floor and the noise echoes in his ears but he doesn’t feel strong enough to pick them up. 

It takes everything in him to go over to Liam’s for their session, but Louis doesn’t want to miss it. Harry needs him, he reasons, and maybe he needs the alpha a bit in return, if the clothes still littered in his bedroom are any indication. He hasn’t informed Liam or Niall of his condition yet since he knew they’d insist he stay home. Louis’ never been one to follow orders. 

So he drags himself up the stairs and somehow makes it to the door with minimal stumbling, lifting a weak hand to tap on the wood. Louis rests his forehead on the wall next to the door while he waits. 

“Hey, Tommo- _oh_ ,” Niall’s smile fades a bit as he takes in Louis’ condition. “You okay, man?” 

He reaches out a hand to help Louis in and Louis accepts it gratefully, clinging to him as they enter the apartment. 

“Li,” he calls, still helping Louis over to the sofa, “can you get me a glass of water?” 

“Get it yourself, you-” Liam rounds the corner into the living room, his eyes falling on Louis as he stumbles. “Louis? What’s the matter?” 

“Water,” Niall grits, repeating himself. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” Liam rushes. He disappears into the kitchen to get it for him while Niall helps him sit on the edge of the sofa. 

He’d felt okay before he left but there’s traces of Harry’s scent around the flat and Louis’ sensitive post-heat body is reacting to them more than he’d like to admit. He’s dizzy again, fingers gripping the material of the couch to steady himself. 

“Easy,” Niall says, “you’re alright.” 

Forcing himself to close his eyes and take deep, steady breaths, Louis’ isn’t sure if the scent is helping or making things worse. He sighs when Liam comes back with a cool glass of water, handing it to him to drink. 

“Here,” he says. 

With their help he’s able to lift it to his mouth and swallow several sips, the cold making him perk up the slightest bit. But when he inhales again it isn’t just the water that livens up his senses. He avoids Liam and Niall’s nervous glances and moves his eyes toward the staircase. 

“Harry,” Louis breathes. 

“Don’t worry about him right now, mate,” Niall starts. “We can just-” 

Before he can finish, a low growl reverberates through the room and everyone freezes. 

When Louis’d said _Harry,_ it hadn’t been because he was wondering where he was. Louis can see him perfectly well - standing only a few feet away at the bottom of the stairs. The only time Louis’ ever seen him out of the bedroom since that first day. 

“Harry,” he says again, the sound hollow in his ears. It’s a question and a greeting and some kind of plea all rolled into two syllables and it has Liam and Niall backing away from him, seeming alarmed as Harry marches forward a few steps. 

He’s still close enough to the stairs to be considered a safe distance away but already Louis can feel his presence, the effect that his own scent is having on Harry. Embarrassed but also a bit concerned for himself, Louis whimpers. 

It hits Louis all at once that he’d forgotten to put on neutralizers. 

“Come,” Harry rasps, his tone low and inviting. He waits patiently as Louis stands on his own and begins walking toward him, and he growls again at Liam and Niall when they step forward to help. 

Louis fumbles but rights his stance quickly. Once he reaches the bottom step Harry places a hand on the lower part of his back and Louis jolts, steadying himself on the wall beside him. Slowly, step-by-step, Harry stays next to him as he makes it up each of them and then over to the bedroom. 

The door is pushed open and they’re back in familiar territory, but Louis doesn’t feel anymore steady than he had before. In fact, it smells more strongly of Harry in here than anywhere else and his omega fights against him to give into the reprieve. 

“Sit,” Harry directs him, making a spot on the couch for him to lie down on. 

Without much of a fuss, Louis follows his orders and lets himself fall down sideways onto the leather while Harry continues moving around the room. Watching him only makes the lightheadedness worse so Louis shuts his eyes and leans his head against the back of the couch until it fades to something more manageable again. 

Suddenly there are garments thrown over him, a blanket, several t-shirts, and what looks to be a pillowcase, the pillow itself stuffed underneath his head as he’s turned sideways to lay on his side. 

His brows turn inward for a second but when the scent hits his nose again Louis immediately calms, succumbing to the conditions Harry’s resorted to in an effort to soothe him. 

For a split second Louis feels guilty, thinking about how he’s supposed to be here to help Harry, not the other way around. He’s just out of his heat and he hadn’t worn neutralizers and he’s probably making him extremely uncomfortable. 

But then there’s a hand across his forehead and down the side of his neck and Louis’ mind goes blank again, a careful murmur of “ _Rest, Omega_ ,” whispered into his ear. 

For once, instead of putting up any sort of a fight, Louis does as he’s told. And, for once, he feels sweet relief flood over him, peace in his brain and Harry’s scent - and _Harry_ \- surrounding him until he loses consciousness. 

+

After that, things begin to change. 

As it turns out, Louis accidentally forgetting to cover his scent and Harry’s initial instinctive response to his distress did them some good and they were able to skip the awkward phase of weaning off the neutralizers. 

Which isn’t to say that Louis isn’t devastatingly embarrassed, because he definitely is. But after he’d woken up and they’d talked a bit more, he hadn’t felt as bad. 

Now when he goes over to see him, Harry talks. Not just small mumbles but complete and often long sentences, and sometimes he even says Louis’ name. It’s progress like they haven’t experienced before. Soon enough they’re upping the sessions to two times a week. 

Harry still covers up most of his own scent but it’s much stronger, lingering on bathroom towels and old sweaters and the bedsheets. Louis still tries to be subtle when he inhales deeply during long silences. 

So they’ve conquered Harry’s initial fear of being around Louis, and they’ve overcome his fear of speaking. The classical music seems to be helping him to relax even when the conversation is still a bit stilted, and Louis is endeared each time he lifts a big hand to rub over the thick hair on his face and chin. 

The progress is good, but they’re both avoiding the one thing they should probably be talking about in order for Harry to work past it. 

Harry’s fear of omegas has always been somewhat of an enigma to Louis, even now that he knows a bit more about how the alpha feels. He still doesn’t know _why_ or _how_ , though, and he doesn’t know if that’s something Harry’s willing to just dive into considering how upset he’d been in the beginning. 

In an effort to combat this, Louis researches. He delves into the deepest corners of the internet to find resources and tips for dealing with troubled alphas and he’s both pleasantly surprised and saddened to find out that it isn’t as uncommon as he’d thought before, just deeply stigmatized. 

He studies his notes late into the night before the day he’s supposed to go over there, trying to remember every small detail. He fights with the small part of himself that tells him that Harry should be seeing a real therapist, someone who really works with alphas who have this kind of problem, but Louis’ always been selfish. _He_ wants to be the reason Harry gets better. They’ve already come so far. 

And it’s not only that - Louis has, too. He feels healthier when he’s around Harry, and sometimes he even feels comfortable enough to share some of his own insecurities. When he’s at work he isn’t as snappy as he usually is and several of his coworkers have already told him as much to his disgruntled, sarcastic scoff. 

Liam and Niall finally seem to be not quite as nervous as before. Their optimism makes Louis even happier and each time he stays after to tell them how good things are going, all of their faces hurt from grinning so hard. 

Things are really, really good and if Louis can just work him through this final step, Harry might actually be better much sooner than they’d thought. They’re so close. 

The next morning he glances over the notes one final time after he’s showered and dressed before he walks out the door. Determined, he drives to Liam’s and makes the familiar walk up to his door, knocking several times. 

Niall lets him in, hair unbrushed and buttons of his shirt only halfway done up, muttering something about how he has to leave to see a friend in a minute and he’s already late. It might seem strange that he’s getting ready at Liam’s flat but he really does practically live there. Louis doesn’t think he’s ever been to Liam’s without him present, not that he minds. It feels kind of nice actually, having the four of them in the same flat at the same time. 

Louis is ushered in hurriedly and told to go straight up. He chuckles at Niall’s frazzled expression but tells him to get going, calling out a greeting to Liam who’s watching TV in the living room, completely unbothered, before heading for the stairs. 

He climbs them quickly, his determination strengthening with each step. 

When he turns the corner into the room, Harry’s already on the couch like usual. He turns and looks over his shoulder to smile lightly in Louis’ direction. 

“Good morning, Louis,” he says. 

And Louis just - he can’t do it. They’ve just gotten to the point where Harry seems comfortable with him and he doesn’t want to ruin it _now_. He’ll bring up the past soon, he will. Just - not today. 

“Morning, Harry,” he returns his smile, sliding off his jacket and crossing to the other side of the room to his usual spot next to the sofa. “How are you?” 

He smiles as Harry begins telling him about how Niall came over extremely early in the morning because he was panicking about a _date_ (“friend,” his ass) and how Liam wasn’t having it. It occurs to Louis that it’s been a good while since he’s hung out with Liam and Niall and not Harry. They still come by the cafe during his shifts occasionally but those short conversations have allowed things like this - things like Niall’s first date in _months_ \- to slip past him. 

He’s been so distracted by Harry and hanging out with him that he hadn’t even noticed. He makes a note to invite Niall and Liam over sometime in the new future, but for now, he sits and listens. 

Harry has come so far and it takes him by surprise every time, the way he can sit here and talk about his day for longer than a sentence, gesturing with his hands and smiling when Louis smiles. In moments like these, it’s undeniable that he’s alpha. Sitting there and taking up so much space on the sofa, voice loud and assured, demanding attention. It’s all alpha. It’s not like this every time- some days are better than others and some topics are better than others, but it’s still so good. 

And Louis is so glad he can witness all of it. 

He thinks back to the research he had done, notes and bits of information in his brain that are eager to spill out. He keeps his mouth shut, glancing back at Harry’s calm face, body language relaxed and no signs of his regular tension or reserved. 

Not today, he decides, mirroring Harry’s widening smile. Not today. 

+

Louis exits Liam’s flat with a smile on his face. It’s begun to rain outside, droplets hitting his face as he tugs his hood up over his head and heads for his car. 

He and Harry spent their hour playing Scrabble while Mozart played in the background and time had passed so quickly- _too_ quickly. He hadn’t wanted to leave when the hour came to a close, so he just… didn’t. 

It’s been over two hours since he arrived that he’s actually leaving and even then, it’s only because Louis has a shift in half an hour and needs to get home and shower before he goes. 

He might end up being late but he feels that it’s entirely worth it, smile unfaltering and a skip in his step as he reaches his car. He pulls out his key, humming under his breath as he unlocks his car. 

A pained bark has him stopping in place, brows furrowing. A low whimper follows and Louis turns around slowly, eyes scanning the pavement. 

There’s a bench up ahead, a large cardboard box dumped beside it. He watches as the box quivers, moving over an inch or two as a whine emanates from its depths. There’s a living creature in that box, he’s sure, and it sounds like it’s in pain. 

No hesitation follows as he approaches the box, mind racing for any information he’s ever read about finding and rescuing animals on the streets. He bites his lip as he realizes that it could be injured or sick and getting too close might be dangerous. 

Stopping in his tracks, he strains forward and tries to peer into the box. The rain has picked up a bit, impairing his vision. All he can make out is a scruff of fur right before the box jerks again, another whine ringing out. 

It tugs at Louis’ heartstrings and he takes another hesitant step forward, sympathy blooming in his stomach. It’s raining and going by the forecast he glanced at this morning, it’s only going to get worse. Who knows if anyone will be out and hear the poor, distressed creature? 

He takes another step forward, making sure he doesn’t appear too threatening or dangerous. He remembers reading something about speaking softly to soothe the animal and let them know you’re not a threat. 

“Hello there,” he says awkwardly. He’s never had a pet or been around many animals, always more of a baby and child person, so he feels a bit out of his depth. “M’not going to hurt you. Just want to see if you’re okay,” he adds, finally stepping close enough to look down and into the contents of the box. When he does, his heart seizes and he gasps. 

There’s a puppy inside, a baby labradoodle with shaggy black curls. It’s soaking wet and trembling, huddling against the side of the box and whimpering brokenly. It looks up at Louis with sad eyes and his resolve shatters. 

He crouches down, the pup tracking his movement and shuffling its paws anxiously. 

Louis coos at it, recognizing and identifying with the fear and vulnerability radiating from the small creature. This poor pup is scared and alone and drenched in rain and Louis’ heart aches for it. He scans the rest of the box, frowning when he sees the soaked paper that’s placed face up on the bottom. 

The black marker has smeared from the rain but he can still make out the words, **_CAN’T SUPPORT; FREE PUPPY._ **

Abandoned. This pup has been abandoned. His heart breaks even further. Another whimper disrupts his reverie and he leans a bit closer. 

“Hi,” he whispers when the puppy cocks its head curiously at him, undoubtedly deciding that he’s not a threat. It’s still shivering, cold and wet. “I’m going to get you out of this weather, I promise.” 

Louis bites his lip, considering his options here. There’s an animal shelter a few blocks down which he’s volunteered at before and that’s open for the next half an hour. His shift begins at the same time but it’s one that they’re overstaffed for. His boss has told him before that he didn’t really need Louis for that stretch but he’s always insisted, figuring that extra money couldn’t hurt when he had nothing else to do with his time. 

Making up his mind, he carefully grips the edge of the box with two hands. The puppy stares up at him with wide eyes, nose twitching. There’s something in him that reminds Louis of Harry, and also, maybe a little of himself. 

He picks it up, careful not to jostle the creature too much before walking back to his car. He sets the box in the backseat and out of the rain, omega purring in satisfaction when the dog whines appreciatively at him. 

Then he gets into the front seat, wipes some excess water from his face, and drives. 

An hour and a half and lots of research and consideration later, Louis is the new owner of an adorable labradoodle and a full heart. He texts Niall and Liam a dozen pictures, both of them responding in variations of shock and happiness for him. 

He asks for advice on names when he gets home, the puppy and its new collar whining at him for food. He had made a stop for dog food and other supplies. Placing him on the sofa, Louis flips on the television to some old cartoons while he sets up a spot for the food he needs to get in the kitchen along with some cool water. When he walks back into the living room, the puppy’s large eyes are wide and focused intently on the image on the screen, curled up in Louis’ pile of blankets. 

Reflected in his eyes is a giant red, illustrated dog. Twice the puppy barks at the large creature happily. 

Clifford it is then. 

+

The first thing Louis does when he comes over for his next session is plop down onto the couch to show Harry pictures of Clifford. “I found him just outside,” he’s explaining happily. “I never thought I’d want a pet but as soon as I saw him, I just _knew.”_

He scrolls through the pictures slowly, letting Harry look and nod at each one. The alpha smiles softly at the one of Louis and Clifford’s faces pressed side to side. It’s a small smile but genuine and maybe even a little fond- there’s no traces of the stiffness from months ago, no rustiness or strain in the curve of his lips. 

It makes Louis’ heart swell with pride. He hides his own grin, continuing through the pictures. It takes a while to get through all one hundred and two of them - he may have gone a bit overboard - but Harry doesn’t complain once. 

“He’s cute,” he says after a while. 

“Isn’t he?” Louis beams. “He’s curly like you,” he adds before he can think it through, then blushes. 

Harry smiles at that too. 

Louis is still entranced by the sight, unable to keep his eyes away from the dimple that peeks out in Harry’s bearded cheek and the way his entire face seems to soften when he’s happy. It elicits a strange feeling in him, almost a _proud_ feeling, like he earned that smile and it’s only for him. 

“Enough about me, how was your day?” he asks after that, putting his phone away and focusing all his attention on the alpha. He’s radiating content pheromones and they seep into Louis’ skin, making his omega purr. 

“Went on a walk this morning,” Harry reveals, tilting his head as he shrugs, shoulders back. “At the park with Niall and Liam. S’nice out today.” 

Louis nods, pleased to hear that Harry is venturing outside more and more often. “I love walks,” he says. He hesitates, biting his lip. “Maybe, one day… we could go on a walk with Clifford in the park.” It comes out more hopeful than he meant it to be so he shrugs nonchalantly, trying to brush it off. “Only if you want to.”

He looks away, cursing himself for being so awkward. The side of Harry’s hand touches his and he freezes. It’s- 

It’s Harry’s hand. Heavy and distinct and _deliberately touching him._

He glances over at the alpha who looks just as shocked as him. “Sorry,” he blurts, ripping his hand away and scooting back, shame flashing on his face. “I didn’t mean to,” he says, distressed. 

Louis’ shoulder burns at the loss of contact, the imprint of Harry’s warm palm lingering. He shivers. “It’s okay,” he says. “You can… um, I don’t mind?” It comes out a bit like a question, unsure and nervous, which is strange because Louis finds that he really _doesn’t_ mind. 

If anything, Harry’s touch had soothed him, warmth leaching into his skin and easing any remaining tension from the day. It’s kind of astounding the effect an alpha’s touch can have on an omega’s body - on _Louis’_ body. That he even enjoyed it. Quite a bit, actually. And that… maybe he wants Harry to touch him again?

He ignores the latter, the implications too dizzying to even think about right now. 

“Um,” Harry starts, looking a bit frazzled still but not distressed anymore. More progress. “What I was going to say is that I like that idea. I’d like to meet Clifford.” 

Louis smiles at him. “He’d like to meet you too.” 

Harry gestures to the small stack of board games that have accumulated on the desk. Louis looks at them fondly before letting his eyes roam over the room itself. 

When he first came over for a session, Liam’s guest room had been clean and almost sterile, holding no personal touches or hints that someone inhabited it beyond a faint scent and wrinkled sheets. As time went on, clothes started popping up in the room, shirts and sweaters left carelessly on the bed or the dresser or jackets hanging on the back of a chair, little bits and pieces that made it seem more personal. Now there’s a small collection of books sitting on the nightstand ranging from Haruki Marikami to Roxanne Gay. There’s a framed picture of Harry and his mother and sister hanging on the wall that’s been there for the past couple of weeks, a development Louis had noticed immediately but didn’t say a word about, remaining quietly pleased and happy. There’s the board games on the desk, yes, but also a leather-bound journal and a smattering of pens and other items. 

It’s still not a lot but at the same time, it’s so much. It’s _Harry_ , the real Harry- the one who’s slowly coming out of his shell and showing his true nature and personality. 

“Scrabble?” Harry prompts, another small but genuine smile on his lips. The alpha’s grown to like scrabble quite a lot. Louis thinks it’s got something to do with being able to spell the words instead of talking. Each one he chooses lets Louis in just a little bit more. 

“Bring it on,” Louis grins. He’s never been the best at the game in particular but it’s worth every second of Harry’s no longer hesitant grin. So, _so_ worth it. 

+

“Are you _kidding_ me?” Louis yells, waving his arms indignantly out in front of him. 

Harry sits on the sofa in front of him, eyes wide, brows raised, and mouth twitching. He keeps his hands in his lap and tries for an innocent look, knowing full well what he’s done. Louis narrows his eyes and fixes him with a sharp glare. 

“ _The Notebook_ is absolutely not better than _Grease_ ,” he deadpans. 

“I don’t think so,” Harry murmurs, repeating his earlier answer. 

“How can you - you _have_ seen _Grease_ haven’t you?” 

“Yes,” Harry nods, biting back a smile. “I just don’t like it as much as _The Notebook_.” 

Shaking his head, Louis huffs. It looks like he isn’t going to win this one. “Well, I guess that’s better than Liam’s _Mamma Mia_ obsession,” he sighs. “He’d propose to Meryl Streep in a heartbeat, you know he would. Most likely with an ABBA song, that bastard.”

Harry’s head moves backward as he laughs, his chest shaking with it. Despite his state of offense, Louis finds himself chuckling along with him at the joke. 

“Maybe we’ll just have to watch all of them again,” Harry sobers, smiling. 

“Maybe,” Louis echoes. 

They’ve just finished another game and they don’t have anything else to do but Louis finds himself hesitant to leave once again. He still has to bring up his research at some point soon but he can’t seem to find a good opening. 

He startles when Harry holds out a hand, nodding toward the Scrabble box next to Louis so he can put it away for next time. Louis picks it up and holds it his direction, nearly dropping the entire thing on the ground when their hands brush underneath it. 

The same feeling from last time washes over him, a mixture of energy and calmness rolled into one, sucking in a deep breath as he relaxes into the carpet. 

Harry’s eyes flicker to his as he moves the box to the side and Louis takes the moment to examine him. If he’d met Harry on his own somewhere, he’d have probably just ignored him. He’d have assumed he was just another entitled, arrogant alpha undeserving of his time or effort. The thought pangs his heart, wondering what would’ve happened if their paths hadn’t crossed. 

He’s glad he’s been able to help Harry, but he’s also glad that Harry seems to be helping him as well. Louis still can’t put a finger on why exactly that is, but he knows he feels better around Harry than any other time, and he thinks it’s roughly the same experience for him as well. 

For a brief moment he wonders how many other relationships he’s missed out on because of his stinginess. Then he colors and pauses, tossing the word around in his head - since when was this any kind of _relationship_? 

“What?” Harry asks, his cheeks lightly colored with curiosity. 

Snapping himself out of his reverie, Louis moves his eyes from Harry’s face. 

“I’m just - proud, I guess,” Louis smiles into his own chest to hide his blush, hugging his own knees. “We’ve come such a long way since before.” 

Harry laughs lightly. “I bet you thought I was quite the headcase, huh?” 

“No,” Louis rushes, “I thought you were sad, maybe, but I could tell you were still in there somewhere - the _real_ you.” 

Glancing up at him, Harry catches his eye and his lips quirk up just slightly at the corners, an appreciative glimmer in his eye. 

“What was your first impression of _me_?” Louis counters, eager to change the subject. 

“Honestly?” Harry asks, waiting for Louis’ nod. “Liam and Niall said that you didn’t like alphas, so I was a bit intimidated at first.” 

“Yeah, well,” Louis scoffs, then deflates. “I suppose I have no argument for that, really. I guess I’ve learned some things as well,” he adds, quieter. 

Maybe this is where he can work in some of the techniques from his notes. Harry seems okay so far and he doesn’t seem to be pushing for more than he’s willing to give, so Louis hums and leans forward on his knees. 

“And what about you?” He asks, curious about his answer. “What about omegas?” 

“Omegas are lovely,” Harry says. His cheeks tint pink at Louis’ raised brows, his mouth the slightest bit open. “What?” 

“I just - wasn’t expecting you to say that, I guess,” Louis stutters. 

Harry huffs quietly, a gentle laugh shaking his shoulders, “I know. But I’ve never hated omegas. I still don’t really, I just, m’not so great at being around them anymore.” 

He gives a jerky shrug that makes Louis frown. He’s supposed to ask why, what happened to make him so leery of them, but instead Louis gulps. 

“What do you like about them?” he whispers. 

Louis knows he’s pushing it, asking for too much. He also knows he’s only asking because he wants Harry to describe _him_. He knows it isn’t a good idea as soon as he asks, and that it’s about more than just helping him now. Regardless, he leans in a bit closer to hear the answer. 

“I’m not sure if I should say,” Harry mutters. “I don’t want to offend you.” 

“You won’t, promise,” Louis shakes his head, eyes wide. 

“Okay,” he hesitates, “I suppose I always liked the balance. It sounds very outdated when I say it out loud, but I like the idea of providing for someone, taking care of them. I like loyalty, feeling needed,” Harry trails off, his eyes glazing over like he’s replaying a memory. 

It strikes Louis in a way he can’t pinpoint. All of the things Harry’s just said used to make him gag. The last thing he ever wanted was to end up tied down to some alpha, barefoot and pregnant before he’s ready to have kids or expected to do all of the housework. 

But the way Harry says it seems different. Like he wants to provide and not demand, care for and not take advantage of. He says it in a way that has Louis’ head tilting minutely to the side without him even trying, baring his neck the slightest bit subconsciously. 

“I wish I was more normal,” Louis says before his brain can catch up with his tongue. 

Harry snaps out of his trance, his eyes flickering to Louis’ with a furrowed brow. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I’m not a good omega,” he shrugs. “I should be small and sweet and soft and I’m - I’m not any of those things. I wish I was.” It comes out more honest than he intended, voice going hoarse and wavering. 

“Louis, you - you _are_ all of those things. Not everyone gets to see that, but you are. It’s in your nature, and that’s wonderful. You shouldn’t ever be afraid to accept that. Or the other way around,” Harry counters, “If you want to be loud and independent then you should get to feel okay about that too. Whatever makes you happy.” 

“I can’t,” Louis chokes, suddenly emotional. 

He doesn’t know how to explain it, everything he feels. It’s like a constant pressure inside of him. Every heat he’s reminded just how much his own body hates him, every time he talks down to an alpha and feels the telltale dizziness of shame overtake him. By this point it’s just instinct. Often he wonders what would’ve happened if he hadn’t been so high maintenance - maybe that’s the reason he can’t seem to ever find anyone. He’s had such high standards but maybe - maybe he hasn’t had luck because he doesn’t _deserve_ such high treatment. Because how can he expect an alpha to be perfect when he’s not a good omega? 

Louis’ lip burns where he’s biting it, Harry fading in and out of his consciousness as he falls down the rabbit hole again. 

“Why do you feel like you aren’t omega enough, Louis?” He asks softly. 

Louis’ quick to give a jerky shrug. “I just don’t - I’m not normal, Harry. I can’t just let myself -” 

“I’m not the most normal either, yeah?” Harry’s lips turn upward again but Louis can’t bring himself to look at him for too long. 

Taking comfort from him, though he’s done it plenty these past few months, feels very wrong suddenly. The feeling he’d had when he’d made the nest rushes back to him once more. Who does Louis think he is, acting like he’s got an alpha? Harry’s getting better and Louis thought maybe he was too but maybe he’s just been getting worse. 

It’s the only explanation really. When he’s here he feels great but that’s still just because Harry’s an alpha, isn’t it? It seems Louis’ still incapable of doing anything for himself. 

“Why can’t you let yourself be an omega?” Harry says gently, “It’s a beautiful thing, Louis.” 

Unwilling to accept anymore faux sympathy, Louis snaps the first thing that comes to his mind. 

“Why can’t you just be an alpha?” 

The shift in the atmosphere would have been obvious even if Louis didn’t have a heightened sense of smell. Harry’s face falls stoic, unreadable like it’d been when they first met. His guard has slipped back up again. Louis feels hot nausea burn inside of his stomach. 

“Harry, I didn’t mean that,” he shakes his head frantically, “I didn’t mean-” 

“Think you should go now, Louis,” he rasps. 

And - _no_ . That’s the _last_ thing Louis wants. The second Louis walks out the door he’ll be alone again, anxious and starved for touch and affection and, worst of all, missing Harry. The alpha’s speech has already reduced down to what it was when Louis first met him. How did they lose so much progress in the span of a few seconds? 

“Please, I don’t think I can, Harry,” he whimpers, unsure of how to communicate his fear of dropping without sounding overly attached and whiny, only concerned for himself. 

“Go, Louis,” Harry growls. 

He doesn’t have a choice now. Harry hadn’t used a command on him but it feels as if he had. Louis’ body stands automatically at the alpha’s tone, his feet moving toward the door on their own. He doesn’t grab anything on his way out this time, dragging his feet through the house until he reaches the front door. Louis’ ears are ringing so loudly that he doesn’t even hear Niall and Liam calling after him. 

He heads to his car and opens the door with shaky hands, tears brimming in his eyes as he sits down and slumps in his seat. Breathing deeply, he tries to calm down. He inhales, holding it for three counts before exhaling for the count. He maintains the pattern, heart eventually slowing and the weight in his lungs easing bit by bit. 

When he feels stable, he takes a final deep breath and inserts his key in the ignition, resolve strengthening inside him. 

Now is not the time to be weak, he decides, albeit numbly. He’ll go home, sleep it off, go to work tomorrow, and come up with a sincere apology. He can make it up to Harry. Harry will understand. For now, he has to be alone. He has to be okay. 

He has to be. 

+

It’s just after the evening rush the next day when the bell tinkles again, and into the cafe walks Nick Grimshaw. Nick hangs out with Liam and Niall sometimes but Louis rarely has the displeasure of seeing him outside of parties and such. They tend to clash whenever they cross paths, both overly sassy for their genders. 

To top it off, Louis got little to no sleep last night and woke up completely miserable. He’d only wanted to go back and see Harry the entire time, to plead on his knees for forgiveness. Louis’ too tired to fight the obviously omega thought. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure,” Louis drawls, watching the last customer leave out the front. 

It’s just him and Nick now. 

Nick is an alpha, first and foremost, but Louis has other reasons to dislike him. He’s heard the stories of his last omega, a nice man Louis thinks he probably would’ve gotten along with if he’d had the chance. After six years together, it came out that Nick had taken him against his will.

In Louis’ head, it shouldn’t matter how long they’d been together. Even if he’d been in heat, Nick should have known better, should have handled the entire situation better than he had. They broke up right after that, and Nick never really told anyone the full story. Louis thinks he can fill in the missing pieces just fine on his own. 

“Nice to see you again, Louis,” he sighs. “I’m just here for a coffee, I’ve got to get back to the hospital after this to see someone.” 

“Why?” Louis asks, “Get your knot stuck inside of another unwilling omega?” 

Barely keeping his composure after being away from Harry for this long, Louis grabs onto the counter discreetly when he begins to feel woozy. With how miserable he feels he does little to bite his tongue. 

“Shut up,” Nick snaps tiredly, “you have no idea what you’re talking about. Noah and I were in love. You wouldn’t know what that felt like.” 

“I think I would know what it felt like to be taken by an alpha without my consent.” 

“Dammit, Louis, shut _up_ ,” Nick hisses, glancing around the empty booths, “I _had_ his consent. I always had his consent. I asked him every single time. We were in _love_.” 

“You say that like it means something,” Louis laughs humorlessly. 

“It does mean something,” Nick insists, stepping closer, “It means everything. It means doing what’s best for your partner, even if that means letting them go and losing your reputation in the process.” 

Nick looks like he’s just said something monumental. Louis smirks and narrows his eyes at the alpha. 

“Don’t pretend like you even cared. Alphas think with their knots and nothing else. If you actually cared there wouldn’t have been an issue in the first place.” 

“Are you joking, Louis? You’re still buying into this shit?” Nick breathes a laugh, shaking his head. 

Brows furrowing at his tone, Louis feels himself becoming even more defensive. Weakly, he raises his arms to cross over his chest, feeling exposed. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“You think you’re so high and mighty, don’t you,” Nick growls menacingly, “You think you not liking alphas is some sort of superior personality trait that puts you above everybody else. You’re _different_ ,” he mocks in a higher, sarcastic voice. “You aren’t like other omegas, hm? You know what, Louis? You’re right. You _aren’t_ like other omegas. You’re nowhere _near_ them. Do you want to know why?” 

He’s closer now but somehow blurrier at the same time, two Nick’s fading in and out of his vision. Louis can sense every single emotion running through his body right now, feel the accusing finger pointed at his chest. Carrying the weight of Nick’s anger and his own distress is making him dizzy, unsteady on his feet. He tries not to let it show as Nick backs away toward the door. 

“Because you’re fucking unbearable. You have all these shitty ideas of how alphas and omegas act because you have no idea how to be a good omega yourself. No one’s asking you to conform to outdated traditions or to be a submissive housewife, Louis- this isn’t the fucking 1800s. But you do have to be a _nice fucking person_.” 

Before he leaves fully, Nick turns to face him one last time. 

“By the way,” he drawls, “I wonder how he would feel if he knew how much you really hated alphas.” 

“What are you talking about?” Louis whispers, the rest of the color draining from his face. 

“You smell like a mated omega, Louis. No one even comes near you now because they think you’re claimed. If you still feel the same way you used to, you might want to consider letting whoever it is know.” 

It all happens relatively quickly after that. Nick leaves, the bell chiming over the door as it swings open and shut, echoing in his ears for too long. Grasping for the countertop, Louis takes a deep breath, feels a hot tear roll down his cheek, and faints. 

+

Harry’s here. 

It’s the first thing Louis registers. The next is that he isn’t at home, where he should be. The soothing scents of his nest aren’t around him. Instead, Louis smells a sterile environment. It takes him a few tries to open his eyes properly, blinking against the harsh fluorescent light. 

He sees a hospital room, empty chairs and a cabinet lining the wall. Louis’ alone. But why does he smell Harry so strongly? 

“Louis? Oh, thank God you’re awake,” Niall rushes, slamming the door open and side-stepping the nurse to get to him. 

Clearing her throat, she raises a brow at Niall when he gathers Louis into a too-tight hug. 

“Sorry, sorry,” he backs away sheepishly but stays next to the bed. “I’m sure you’re wondering what happened.” 

“You collapsed at work,” the nurse supplies, dutifully checking his IV. “We were hoping you could give us some more background on why exactly that happened. Your chart says something about TS?” 

“Give him a minute,” Niall suggests, light hand on his arm. 

Louis nods at him gratefully, swallowing dryly and making an effort to speak. 

“‘Arry?” he asks, though it comes out more as air than sound. 

Niall understands him. He smiles hesitantly and nods once, reaching over to take Louis’ hand. 

“He’s here. Liam’s outside trying to keep him calm.” 

With a soft smile, Louis’ omega keens happily. Harry left the house and came all this way for him. 

“You can see him in a bit. I need to collect some information now, if you don’t mind,” the nurse eyes Niall over the rim of her glasses. 

“Are you going to be okay?” Niall asks, ignoring her stern gaze. 

“Yeah,” he rasps, squeezing his hand. “Don’t let him leave, okay?” 

He watches Niall leave as the nurse pulls a chair around to sit next to his bed. Louis sits up the best he can and wills himself to pay attention, though the inside of his brain is still hazy with Harry’s scent. 

“How long have you been touch starved?” She asks. 

Wincing at the full clinical term, Louis tries to remember. “About five years now, I think,” he coughs, “I was diagnosed at twenty.” 

Raising her brows, she writes it down on her chart and continues. 

“Are you on any medication for it? Any suppressants?” 

Louis shakes his head, “No. I tried them a while back but they didn’t - I didn’t like the side effects.” 

“How long have you been courting?” 

“Oh, I’m not - we - Harry isn’t my alpha,” he ends in a whisper. 

“The alpha in the lobby isn’t yours?” she says disbelievingly, “Are you sure about that?” 

“Yes,” Louis hesitates, “Why?”

“He came in here nearly feral looking for you. We didn’t even tell him where you were, he just knew your scent enough to follow it. I hate to break it to you, love, but it seems to me you’re in some sort of pre-bond.” 

“What,” Louis chokes, face paling. 

“All of your symptoms make sense, along with his behavior.” 

“No, no I - there’s no way. We haven’t done anything, we haven’t courted, or, or -” 

“Nothing has to be done officially to have a pre-bond. It can result purely from two people spending a lot of time together. Regardless, whoever he is, he’s going to play a vital role in your recovery.” 

The nurse seems slightly annoyed when Louis looks to her again for an explanation. Still too shocked to speak, he waits for her to continue silently. 

“You’re already used to his scent. You came in here covered in it and we believe that was the reason you woke up when he got here. That suggests a strong, healthy reaction. We need to harness that in order for you to have a chance at true recovery, then you can decide what you want to do about the bond afterward. For now, if you want to live, you don’t really have much of a choice, love.” 

She’s much too abrupt to be dealing with an omega, but Louis’ kind of glad she’d put it so simply. He’s able to understand even in his hazy mind what she’s trying to say. It’s so much to process, and yet all he can seem to think of is Harry out in the lobby. Louis’ body aches for his touch. 

He answers her questions to the best of his ability without really paying all that much attention. Eventually she sighs, pocketing her notes as she stands. 

“It doesn’t seem like we’re going to get very far tonight. I’m going to call him in here and I’ll come by again tomorrow. Focus on getting stronger for now, okay?” 

When she says it Louis notices how weak he truly is. All of his bones feel brittle, creaking when he shifts slightly on the bed. His vision still swims when he turns his head too quickly and he doesn’t think he’d be able to stand. 

Then, just as his heart rate spikes from his nervousness about his condition, he relaxes. 

“Harry,” he breathes, immediately calming. 

The alpha stalks quickly toward the bed, his towering frame hunching over to embrace Louis fully. He’s growling softly into Louis’ neck but not threateningly. The noise soothes him, and he whines quietly in response. 

Louis can feel everyone else in the room that came in behind him holding their breath but he doesn’t waste any time checking to see if they’re staring. 

“I think we should give them a minute,” he hears Liam suggest from somewhere far away, noise muffled by Harry’s chest. 

“We can’t -” the nurse begins, only to snap her mouth shut when Harry’s gaze lands on her, his growl falling in pitch, in _warning._

“C’mon,” Niall ushers them away, sparing them one final worried glance before exiting the room. 

Exhaling as soon as the door shuts, Louis clutches desperately at Harry to get him to climb onto the bed with him. 

Harry moves him carefully, eyes scanning over his body to make sure he’s comfortable and that nothing is being tugged on as he sits down beside him. Legs too long for the small bed, he bends his knees and pulls gently to rest Louis’ head against his chest, his nose buried in Louis’ hair and inhaling quietly. 

“Harry,” he whines again. 

“What is it, Omega?” 

Omega. He called Louis ‘Omega.’ Louis can only make small noises to convey his emotions. He knows Harry can scent them on him anyway without having to say a word. 

“Sorry,” Louis sobs, eyes wet and puffy. “Can I - can I please-” 

“What do you need, pup? Tell me what you need,” Harry pleads. 

“Scent,” he utters. 

He can feel Harry’s breath catch, heart stuttering where Louis’ ear is pressed against it. He’s asking too much and he knows it, but it would feel so _good_. So much better than all of his second-hand clothing in Louis’ makeshift nest. 

In slow motion, Harry raises a hand to the back of Louis’ head. He tilts his own head to the side until his scent gland is exposed, then nudges Louis toward it. 

This time, _Louis’_ breath catches. He looks up to Harry for reassurance but his eyes are closed. His scent isn’t angry or nervous this time, so Louis lets himself surrender without worry. 

Falling limp as soon as his nose touches skin, Louis cries silently, _gratefully_. His entire body feels like a weight has been lifted off of it, finally being able to share his stress with someone else instead of shouldering it all himself. Harry’s breathing picks up, but he doesn’t even tense when Louis’ mouth opens and he suckles lightly where his mark should be. 

It’s more progress than they’ve ever made. Chest rumbling, Harry leans down himself to scent Louis in return. 

They’re buried in one another, a cycle of reassurance that has Louis presenting openly in submission. The need for an alpha doesn’t feel bad anymore, or dirty or wrong. It feels safe. _Louis_ feels safe. 

“M’sorry,” Louis croaks again. 

“Don’t,” Harry stops him, “I am not angry, Omega. I’m only happy you’re okay.” 

The addressment makes Louis shiver, stunned by how much he likes it, likes the way it feels like Harry is laying a claim over him but in the best way possible. 

Likes that it feels like Harry is saying he’s _his_ omega. 

The idea makes his omega whine in yearning, but it has Louis reeling back in shock. He knows he has some feelings for the alpha - the way he instantly relaxes when he catches a whiff of Harry’s scent and the way Harry can pull such a wide grin from him with barely any effort are undeniable. And there’s also the fact that when Louis is with Harry, he doesn’t feel inadequate or flawed, he feels content. 

It’s a startling realization to have but Louis has no clue what to do with it, swallowing roughly and letting Harry continue to nose up his neck. 

Louis sits there and lets him, having stilled his own movements in favor of baring his neck and letting Harry take control. He’s rumbling, a low satisfied sound that hails from deep in his chest, as he scents Louis thoroughly. Every movement is deliberate and painstakingly gentle, like Harry is aware of his every breath and reaction as he comforts him. 

It makes Louis feel like he’s something valuable and Harry is determined to treat him with care, like he’s someone _special._

He lets all his worries and nerves fade away, allowing the smell of firewood and dark chocolate and warmth and safety lull him into a state of sleepy bliss. And in that moment, Louis has an alpha. He has a wonderful, amazing, caring alpha and it’s not a big deal because he’s a perfectly good omega who deserves a perfectly good alpha. 

For once, the lie doesn’t seem so far fetched anymore. 

+

The doctor comes to see him after lunch, telling an indignant Harry that all visitors must leave the room for now. 

Harry sends him one more worried look before glaring at the doctor pointedly and leaving the room. He didn’t growl but Louis could tell that it took quite a bit of restraint to accomplish that, the alpha’s hands clenched and posture stiff as the door shuts behind him. 

Louis turns back to the doctor, shifting against the headboard into a more comfortable position. Nervousness and uneasiness is whirling through his mind, and it only grows when the doctor smiles at him tersely. 

“We’ve pulled up your past medical records and examined the test results for the standard MRI we had you do when you were still unconscious,” he begins. “In other words, we think we’ve figured out what happened.”

“Okay,” says Louis slowly, taking a deep breath. He never liked the anxious period between not knowing and knowing and it feels suffocating now, anxiety and worry pushing at his lungs and ribs, fighting to burst out. 

“You’ve got quite the interesting case,” the doctor remarks first, leaning his hip against the counter. “You were brought in for touch starvation but your tests came back with deprivation as well.” 

Louis’ face drains of color once again. _Depri?_ he thinks, _surely not_. He’s never heard of someone having both of those diagnoses at once. 

Touch starvation, put simply, is a long-term lack of touch. If an omega doesn’t experience any attention from an alpha after presenting, it’s all too easy to develop it. 

Deprivation is a different type of illness altogether. Being deprived suggests that the touch, the intimacy had been there and was taken away. Louis’ always been safe in his bubble of starvation because he’s never _known_ any intimate touch. But depri means he had it at one point and now he’s lost it - that they already have a connection deep enough to warrant its diagnosis in the first place. 

“I assume you’re just as confused as we are, judging by the look on your face. I’m curious to know how you’ve managed to contract both, if you’ll tell me.” 

Abruptly shutting his mouth and swallowing dryly, Louis tries to piece all of it together for both of them. 

“I’ve been helping an alpha friend recently,” he begins. “He, uhm, had a traumatic experience with an omega and we’ve been practicing on getting him back to normal, where he isn’t afraid anymore. Our mutual friends suggested it.” 

“Can I ask what classification your friends are?” 

“They’re betas,” Louis says. 

Face settling like he’s just realized something, the doctor nods. “I see. What exactly does helping him entail?” 

“Not - we didn’t ever do anything like _that_ ,” Louis rushes, blushing, “I would just go over there and sit with him for a few hours at a time. Sometimes we would talk and things like that.” 

Across from him, the doctor sets his chart to the side and links his fingers together thoughtfully, a muted smile on his lips. 

“I don’t think this is as complicated as we thought. Surely you’ve bonded somewhat over these sessions you’ve had, correct? Looking past the fact that you should have seeked professional help,” he adds. 

“I mean,” Louis stutters guiltily, “I guess so. We haven’t- there hasn’t been a lot of touching or anything, just accidental brushing and touching shoulders. Nothing like - _that_.” 

The doctor grimaces. “In your current fragile state, I’m afraid even the briefest and most fleeting touches from an alpha are enough to initiate deprivation. We’re going to have to run some more tests but, between us, I’m fairly certain that you two have bonded so deeply because _both_ of you are touch starved, the alpha’s case more severe than yours, if I’m guessing.” 

Harry - an _alpha_ \- with touch starvation and deprivation? Louis’ never heard of anything like that. Now that he thinks about it, it makes perfect sense. 

It also strikes him how they should’ve just taken Harry to the hospital originally when they saw how shaken he was. Before Louis had even met him. Guilt consumes him. 

But then - they wouldn’t have ever known each other. Harry would be another faceless alpha in his head, another one to pin his dissatisfaction on, to hate without reason. Louis wouldn’t have gotten to see the vulnerable, caring side of him that made him change his mind for the first time in his life. 

Bottom line, they should’ve taken him to get some help from a professional instead of putting both of their lives in danger. Selfishly, some part of him deep down is sated now that he and Harry have, for now, at least, an unbreakable connection, even if it came at the expense of them both. 

“Oh,” he whispers belatedly. 

“I’m not going to lecture you about it because I’m sure that’s the last thing you want to hear right now,” he pauses, “but doing that for an alpha in your state was extremely dangerous. Your beta friends probably weren’t even aware of how much they were risking when they suggested it.” 

Nodding, Louis glances down at his fingers. He’s always hated being reprimanded. He wishes Harry were here to reassure him. 

“All we can do now is get both of you the help you need to get back to normal. Now that you’re more stable, you have two options. You can work with an alpha from our team, someone who specializes in your type of situation. Harry would, if he agrees, work with an omega from the same team. Both of you would progress separately and by the time you were discharged your bond would be weakened and you would be able to go your separate ways if you wished.” 

“What’s the other option?” Louis swallows dryly. 

Smiling, the doctor addresses him again, “The second option is the two of you go through the process together. I know right now it seems like a simple answer but I need you to seriously consider both options before making a decision. Should you choose Harry, your bond will get stronger, it will be much more difficult if not impossible to part from one another afterward. With how fragile both of you are right now, you _have_ to be certain and we _have_ to have both of your consents.” 

“Can I - I’ll talk to him about it?” Louis asks. 

“Of course,” he nods, packing up his notes and clipboard to leave. “It’s going to be okay, Louis, one way or the other, both of you will be okay.” 

Louis nods to avoid his voice breaking, cursing his emotional state as of late. 

Things are about to change drastically, is all he knows for certain. Everything else is up in the air for now. He just hopes Harry is on the same page as him with all of this and that they can figure it out together, because he’s not quite sure he can do it on his own. 

Maybe one day, but not just yet. 

+

Harry enters the room carefully, a bag of food in his hand which he immediately gives to Louis. “Niall ordered some of your favorite takeout and the nurse said it’s okay for you to have it,” he explains, pulling up a chair so he can sit right next to the bed. 

Louis just nods, greedily inhaling Harry’s scent and letting it wash over him comfortingly. He clears his throat. “We have to talk about some things, I think,” he says, trying to appear calm. 

Some of his uneasiness must show through because Harry frowns, scrambling for his phone. His brows furrow as he struggles to unlock it. “It’s been a while since I’ve used a phone,” he supplies sheepishly when he notices Louis’ endeared look. He gets it eventually, face lighting up in satisfaction when the familiar notes of Für Elise echo from the tiny speakers. 

“Oh,” says Louis, taken off guard. He smiles gratefully as Harry increases the volume, clearly pleased with himself as he props the device on the nightstand and glances back at Louis to see his reaction. “Thank you,” Louis whispers. 

“Just relax, Lou,” Harry whispers, the nickname taking them both by surprise. He rests his hands on the bed, tips of his fingers mere inches from the side of Louis’ thigh. “Do you want to tell me what you’re worried about? Or do you want to sit here and just listen first?” 

“Listen,” Louis says immediately, breathing in deeply and feeling the weight in his chest shift. He wants it to ease first, wants to just sit here with Harry and his scent and not worry about anything for a little bit. 

The entirety of the composition is sixty minutes but Louis has calmed down enough by the end of the second movement to tell Harry to pause it, ready to speak. “I talked to the doctor,” he starts, his throat suddenly dry again, though not from thirst this time. “Apparently I have both touch starvation and deprivation.” 

He watches the furrow between Harry’s brows grow as he scratches his beard unconsciously. “Deprivation? Isn’t that-” 

“Yeah,” Louis says uncomfortably. With a deep breath, he begins repeating everything the doctor told him, voice dropping lower and lower as he gets to the part about how the doctor thinks that Harry too suffers from both and that Louis has unintentionally endangered him. 

Harry looks stunned when Louis finishes, face blank of any reaction beyond his surprise. It makes Louis nervous, already fidgeting and shifting restlessly on the bed. His hospital room suddenly seems too cramped and bright, like the walls are going to close in and the harsh glare of the lights are going to blind him if he stays there any longer. 

“Louis,” he says slowly. Louis ducks his head, biting his lip. “Look at me, Omega,” Harry says gently. 

He shivers at the addressment, looking up nervously. 

The alpha is looking at him warmly. “It’s not your fault,” he says firmly. “No,” he interrupts right as Louis opens his mouth to counter. A look of determination passes over his face as he continues speaking. “You agreed to do these sessions because you wanted to help your friends and then you ended up helping me. You’ve helped me. So much. I have no idea where I’d be if Niall and Liam hadn’t been friends with you - if you had never said yes. Nowhere near where I am now, that’s for sure. I’m not scared of omegas anymore, not really anyway. And,” he pauses, taking a deep breath. “You shouldn’t ever feel guilty for that.” 

Louis stares at him, floored by Harry’s speech. “I think that’s the most you’ve said to me at once ever,” he blurts, unable to help himself. 

Thankfully, Harry doesn’t look annoyed and chuckles. He shrugs lightly. “Just wanted you to know.” He looks a little embarrassed and Louis can’t have that. 

“Well, thank you,” he says empathetically. “It means a lot, Harry.” _And_ you _mean a lot to me._ He swallows. The hard part now. “He gave us two options for recovery,” he says slowly, licking his lips nervously. What if Harry wants the first option? 

No, Louis can’t think like that. It’s _Harry._ So he tamps down his fear and explains each option carefully, making sure Harry understands it’s his choice. 

Harry is silent when he finishes, a thoughtful look on his face as he scratches his beard. He glances at Louis, brows raising in question. “Which option do you want?”

Louis sputters. “I asked you to choose!” he insists. “Seriously, Harry, it’s up to you.” 

The alpha shakes his head, something akin to _knowing_ in his gaze. “I know what I want,” he says slowly. “But I want to make sure you do. I want you to be comfortable with the decision. Tell me what you want, Louis.” 

Louis exhales. He has to be the one to say it- to make the decision and be brave. He never in a million years imagined that he’d end up here, nursing a crush on an _alpha_ and struggling about how to come out and say it, to tell him. But he’s here and he really really likes this alpha, this strong and handsome and sweet and caring alpha who’s looking at him earnestly with a softness in his eyes that seems reserved for him and him alone. 

“I think - I want the second option,” he murmurs, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. 

“Me too,” Harry whispers, smiling. After an intense few moments he turns to the abandoned bag of food, holding it in Louis’ direction.. “Now, you should eat, Louis. The doctor said you’ll be really tired for the next couple of days and you need-”

“Wait,” Louis says, heart pounding. 

Harry stills, looking at him worriedly, hand still outstretched and reaching for the bag because he’s always thinking about taking care of Louis even when Louis isn’t his omega. 

Taking a deep breath, Louis decides he’s going to be brave. “I like you, Harry.” 

“I like you too,” Harry says cautiously, but Louis can see the understanding in his eyes, can see that he knows that’s not what Louis means but wants to hear him say it out loud. 

And he will. He takes another deep breath, feeling almost like he’s having an out-of-body experience as he says, “I just didn’t want you to think I was only choosing this because it would be easier,” he explains. “I want - later, at some point, I want you to be, uhm, my alpha.”

Harry doesn’t respond immediately and Louis’ earlier worry and insecurities come back tenfold. He has no idea what he’s doing- no idea how to confess his feelings or be in a relationship let alone a relationship with an _alpha_. 

“It’s okay if you don’t want to,” he says worriedly, panic bubbling up as his flight instincts kick in. “I’m sorry if I overwhelmed you or anything, I just-”

“Louis,” Harry says gently. He places a hand on Louis’ knee and he stills immediately, panting as he slowly raises his gaze and looks the alpha in the eye. “Just- give me a minute, yeah?”

He nods mutely, exhaling jaggedly. Silence falls over them and Louis resists the urge to leap out of bed and run, itching to escape or move or do anything except sit here and wait anxiously. He doesn’t want to ask Harry to turn the music back on, not when he looks so serious and concentrated, so he imagines the tune in his head and hums along to it silently, letting the familiar rhythms and melody lull him into a less stressed state. 

Harry squeezes his knee again when he wants his attention. 

“I think I want that too,” he says slowly. It takes a while to process, each word sinking into the air and registering into Louis’ mind at a snail’s pace but when it finally clicks, his breath hitches. 

“Oh,” he says, relief coursing through his veins as his shoulders un-hunch and he finally relaxes. “That’s - good?” It ends up coming out as a question because he looks at Harry and the alpha is frowning. 

Harry sighs tiredly. “Louis, I’m - I’ll be honest with you,” he says, his brow furrowed as he glances toward the bed awkwardly. “I’m scared. When I was with Kade, I thought that was it, I thought that was the most I would ever feel for someone.” _Kade_. Louis exhales. That’s the name of the omega who hurt Harry. “But then,” Harry continues, trailing off. 

He pauses for a moment, turning to face Louis and angle his body towards him. “But then… but then I met you and I don’t know if it’s because we’re both touch starved or we’re just really compatible but - I,” he swallows, clearing his throat when his voice gets too thick with emotion, “I think we would be making a big mistake if we didn’t give it a chance.” 

Hissing in a breath, Louis calms slightly. That could’ve gone much, much worse than it had. He nods to show Harry that he understands, then squeezes his hand to reinforce his actions. 

“I’m scared, too,” Louis whispers, swallowing thickly. His throat is dry so he reaches for the nightstand where a glass of water sits. Harry notices, always paying attention to Louis and his needs, handing it to him before he can reach it himself. Louis smiles, taking a few slow sips. Things like that - things like _this_ are what makes him less scared. Because Harry is Harry - lovely and patient and caring and someone who seems to understand Louis on an entirely different level. “But you’re right, I think we should do it.” 

Harry touches his bearded chin to his chest once more and his face grows unsure for a moment. His brows dip inward and he stutters, still cradling Louis’ smaller hand in his. 

“It won’t be - I’m not normal, Louis. It won’t be like any other relationship you’ve had and it may take me a long time to be able to - to,” Harry stutters, grasping for words, but Louis only smiles. 

“That’s okay,” he says, despite not knowing the end of Harry’s sentence. “I’m not the best at all of this stuff either, y’know?” 

Eyes watery and lip caught between his teeth, Harry’s glassy gaze finds his and he laughs once, emotionally. “I suppose we’re both a mess.” 

“Yeah,” Louis giggles, “I suppose we are,” he whispers. 

Harry leans forward to press the cool tip of his nose against Louis’ temple, his lips just barely brushing skin as he speaks quietly into the space between them. 

“Thank you for not giving up on me, Louis.” 

At that Louis tilts his face upward until their noses bump. He looks Harry in the eye, confused. Of course he hadn’t given up on him. And, in return, Harry was there for _him_ in return. 

“Of course,” he says, hoarse. Twice, unable to help himself, he nudges their noses together and inhales the comfort of Harry’s presence. “Do you think, uhm, you could scent me again?” 

There’s still a moment’s hesitation before Harry agrees but he does so nonetheless, using his face to move Louis’ to the side and access his neck. 

Louis exhales slowly, shivering as Harry noses up his throat. When he’s close - when they’re touching like this - all of his fears vanish. He thinks that’s a good enough sign as any that they’ve made the right decision. 

Now all they have to do is see it through. 

+

Besides his friends, Louis gets his first outside visitor on Wednesday. The nurse asks if it’s okay and Louis says yes without thinking about it, curious about who it could be. 

Harry’s just left to get them something from the cafeteria, his spot still strikingly warm where he’d been pressed up against Louis’ side, huddled over him protectively. Louis’ still smiling at the thought when a different scent catches his nose and he looks up. 

His visitor is Nick Grimshaw. 

“Hey, Louis,” he waves awkwardly. “Can I -” he gestures to the chair in the corner. 

“Go ahead,” Louis accepts quietly. 

He stares at him for a few seconds, unsure of why he came after their argument. Nick glances up, eyes trailing all around the room as he rolls his lips together. He avoids Louis’ gaze as he thinks, seeming more serious than he’s ever been before. Louis thinks he should probably apologize to Nick but he’s speaking before he can get anything out. 

“He was seeing someone else,” Nick says quietly. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Noah - he was seeing another alpha behind my back. We were together for six years but he pre-bonded with him after just a few months. His body rejected mine after that because of the new bond.” 

“Oh,” Louis whispers, gulping. 

“Yeah. I - I still had his consent. I knew something was off but he still wanted it and I thought maybe that would fix some things between us, you know?” Nick laughs blankly, “Neither of us knew what it would do until it was too late. He left the next day with him and I haven’t seen him since.” 

“Nick, I -” he goes to apologize. 

“I don’t need an apology, Louis, or your sympathy. I just wanted to tell you because I wanted you to see that not all of us are as bad as you thought. That alpha out there certainly isn’t. He talks about you like you’re a fucking saint. I’ve got no idea what you’ve done to him.” 

“I’m surprised he let you in here alone,” Louis smiles tentatively, blinking away sudden moisture from his eyes. 

“He almost didn’t,” Nick laughs, “Proper alpha, growling at me n’all that. He said I had until he got back to finish up.” 

Louis grins, “That’s Harry.” 

Nick’s tight smile meets Louis’ bright one, pursing his lips. 

“Look, Louis. You’re going to do what you want, yeah? You always have. But I wish you’d give him- _Harry_ \- a chance. He seems to really like you and I think it would be good for you to see the softer side of an alpha for once, not just the horror stories.” 

“I will - I am giving him a chance. He’s wonderful.” 

“That’s great, Louis, really. I hope everything works out for the both of you.” 

“Thank you, Nick,” he says. “I really am sorry that I misjudged you.” 

“If you apologized to every alpha you misjudged it might take years,” he teases lightly, “Just start here. Start today, yeah?” 

“Yeah,” Louis nods, tearing up the slightest bit. 

As if he can sense the moment Louis became upset, Harry’s head pops around the corner just a few seconds later with their food in his hands. Both he and Nick turn to look. 

“Louis,” he says, cracking the door open. 

“I’m okay, Haz,” he smiles, opening his arms. 

Harry shoulders past Nick to get to him, wrapping him in his arms protectively and pressing a kiss to the top of his head after he sets the food on the side table. His chest rumbles lowly to calm Louis. 

“I’m going to head out,” Nick tells them with a genuine smile this time, traces of amusement in the curve of his lips, “I’ll see you around, Louis.” 

“Bye, Nick,” he waves. 

Nick smiles at them one more time before leaving, closing the door gently behind him. Louis exhales. 

“Don’t like you in here alone with him,” Harry growls abruptly, then pulls away, wide-eyed, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. You can talk to whoever you want, I shouldn’t have -” 

“Harry, it’s okay,” Louis soothes, beckoning him back into his space. “Like it when you’re protective. Makes me feel safe.” 

“Are you sure? I’m trying to keep it down, I’m sorry,” Harry murmurs, wrapping his arms around Louis again tightly. 

“I like it,” Louis repeats, surprised at the conviction in his own voice. He really does like it, is the thing. And it’s shocking because an alpha feeling possessive or protective of an omega is something he used to scoff at. 

Maybe… maybe he’s been so judgemental about it because he’s secretly always craved it for himself. Maybe it’s yet another thing he’s been wrong about, something he’s judged too harshly. The revelation sinks into his mind, vibrating with truth and self-awareness. Louis shifts, uncomfortable. Has he really been wrong about _everything_? 

Even if he has, Louis supposes, now would be the time to fix it. 

“Hungry?” Harry asks. 

As if on cue, Louis’ stomach growls and they both laugh. 

“Harry,” Louis says once the alpha has finished setting everything up. He’s got this intense look of concentration as he positions every takeout box and utensil to the perfect place on the tray he got from the cafeteria. 

“Yes?” Harry checks, sparing him a quick glance in which his eyes scan over Louis’ body, searching for any pain or discomfort that he can fix. “Alright?” 

“No, I’m fine,” Louis assures, biting his lip. “I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re here.” He’s been coming over every day since Louis had woken up, arriving in early morning and staying till after dinner. He had even been sleeping over the first two nights out of stress and worry for Louis’ condition but Louis managed to convince him it was no longer necessary and that the hospital chairs were bad for his back. 

But still, he’s been _here_ for Louis, not just physically but emotionally. He’s been taking care of him and looking out for him and Louis is so grateful. 

Harry just smiles at him, soft and affectionate. “You’d do the same for me,” he says, brushing it off nonchalantly. 

“I would,” Louis agrees, nodding. “Doesn’t mean it’s any less important.”

“No,” Harry echoes, “it doesn’t.” 

They eat lunch in bed next to each other, sides pressed together and scents melding together. Louis leans his head on Harry’s shoulder, sighing contentedly when Harry chuckles at something on the TV screen. 

Louis stares at him for so long with a dopey grin on his face that he forgets to eat, but when Harry notices and begins feeding him himself, he thinks it’s definitely worth it. 

+

Harry moves into Louis’ flat early in the afternoon on the first day of Winter. 

It’s been about a week since Louis has been discharged from the hospital and they’ve been given the clear by the doctor to begin their recovery process. _Together_. After they’d gotten the results back from Harry’s tests as well (the doctor had been correct - they’ve got the exact same diagnosis) some of the pressure eased and they explained to both of them how things were likely to go once they were discharged. 

When it came to deciding how and where they should spend so much time together, Louis hadn’t hesitated to let Harry move in. It’d just made sense, and it still makes sense now, as they’re unloading what few boxes of Harry’s things he had at Liam’s. 

It’s not much, mainly just clothes and books, because apparently most of Harry’s things are still back at his ex’s flat. Neither of them acknowledge the fact that Harry isn’t ready to go back and get them, at least not yet.

Harry carries most of it, laughing when Louis struggles to pick up a single box and ignoring his glare. Louis isn’t actually offended, can’t be when it means he’s getting out of manual labor and definitely not when Harry looks so carefree and happy. 

They manage to unload all the boxes in Louis’ room in less than an hour. It hadn’t been a question that Harry would be sleeping in his bed with him- the couch is too small for his tall and broad body and the doctor did tell them to spend as much time together as possible. It may be too fast for a conventional relationship considering they’ve only decided they want to pursue a relationship a little less than two weeks ago, but it doesn’t feel too rushed to him. 

It feels natural and easy, like it’s meant to happen like this. 

Louis lets his eyes stray over to where Harry is sorting through the boxes, putting them into piles of clothes and other items with a concentrated look on his face. It strikes him then that he and Harry haven’t even kissed!

Not that he hasn’t wanted to, and doesn’t want to all the time (because he does), it just… hasn’t happened yet. But Louis suddenly can’t get it out of his head, trying to focus on emptying the contents of his nightstand so Harry can keep some of his own things there but ending up glancing at the alpha every few seconds.

His eyes linger on Harry’s lips, wondering how he’d kiss - slow and gentle, for sure, but also thorough. He imagines it, imagines Harry cupping his face with his big hands and coaxing his lips apart, imagines how the scruff of his beard would feel against his cheeks. 

He doesn’t realize Harry is staring at him until he murmurs a soft, “Lou?”

“Sorry,” Louis blurts, cheeks burning. 

“What is it?” Harry asks, coming over to where he’s sitting rigid on the bed, a few pens and empty gum wrappers from the nightstand grasped in his hand excruciatingly tight. They’ve been listening to classical music as they moved everything in and right in that moment is when Sonata Duodecima by Isabella Leonarda starts playing, its mysterious and ominous introduction seeming particularly fitting in the moment. 

Louis shakes his head, eyes flickering back to Harry’s lips because he’s the least subtle person on the planet. The sinister first notes of violin echo expectantly in the air around them. 

Harry blinks at him, understanding passing over his face. He hesitates for a moment before sitting down next to Louis on the bed gingerly. “Tell me what you want,” he says gently, but firmly. 

Opening his mouth, Louis tries to find words but can’t. “I’m sorry,” he blurts, flushing bright red. He slaps a hand over his face embarrassedly, hating himself for being so awkward. He has no clue what he’s doing, no clue how to ask for what he wants, or let Harry know that he wants. Because he wants- so much. 

And what if Harry doesn’t want the same thing - isn’t ready?

He stills when a hand grips his shoulder, looking up at Harry timidly. 

“How about I tell you what I want,” Harry murmurs, voice deep and heavy. He leans in close, eyes bright and intense as they rake over Louis’ face reverently. “I want to kiss you. Can I kiss you, Omega?”

Oh so softly, Louis exhales, nodding. 

He is frozen in place as Harry leans in even closer, hand sliding up to hold the side of his face tenderly. Their lips meet softly, pressing together as Louis sighs in contentment, resting his hands flat against Harry’s chest. Harry’s lips are softer than he imagined, but also firm and perfect. His beard does scratch him but Louis finds that he likes the feeling. 

The kiss doesn’t last too long, noses bumping as they each pull back and stare at each other for a moment. 

Louis swallows, blushing again. “That was nice?” he says, words coming out like a question. Harry doesn’t look upset or anything but he still worries, not wanting to accidentally push him too far or have him regret it. 

“More than nice,” Harry murmurs, leaning in and kissing him again. “It’s - s’been so long since - you taste so good, Lou.” 

This one is a bit more intense, lips parting and fingers curling into shirts and digging into the skin beneath. It’s still mind numbingly sweet and gentle though, slow and patient. 

Harry breaks it, brushing his lips across Louis’ cheekbone and letting them linger there for a moment, another soft kiss. 

“Now should we finish unpacking?” he asks quietly. It seems like a signal of letting him know that they still aren’t taking things too far, and Louis’ more than grateful for it. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, still a bit dazed with remnants of firewood and dark chocolate overwhelming his senses. They’re well into the song now, the first timid chords being traded for crisp and upbeat measures, happy and triumphant. 

They get back to work after another last lingering peck, each of them moving to opposite sides of the room so they won’t get distracted again. He tells Harry that he can have the bottom half of the dresser since he mainly uses his small closet for clothes anyway. And then he goes out to the kitchen to feed Clifford.

Clifford hadn’t taken much time to warm up to Harry. All it took was a gentle scratch behind the ears and words of praise and encouragement in that stupidly enchanting deep voice and Clifford had accepted their new roommate all together.

Not that Louis is complaining. As always, the pup eats quickly, yapping in satisfaction and nudging his head into Louis’ knee as a show of gratitude. Louis pets him behind the ears, smiling widely. It suddenly all feels so domestic. He and Harry are in a relationship and have a dog and are living together and tonight they’ll sleep in the same bed. But it feels _natural._

If anyone had told Louis six months ago that he’d be getting domestic with an alpha of all people, he would have laughed in their faces (or kicked them in the balls), but now… 

Now, it doesn’t seem so outrageous. It seems _right._

When Louis comes back to their room, lips parted to ask Harry what he wants for dinner, he immediately freezes. 

Harry is facing away from him, standing by the dresser with the bottom most drawer open to reveal stacks of neatly folded clothing - _Harry’s_ clothing. 

After his heat, he had thoroughly washed the soiled garments, which ended up ridding them completely of Harry’s scent. Since they no longer had any comfort to him (and since looking at them made Louis go flushed, remembering what he had done with them when he was in his most vulnerable and desperate state), he had folded them up and left them in the bottom dresser, out of sight and apparently, out of mind, because he had completely forgotten they were in there.

He must make a distressed noise because Harry’s head snaps to face him, eyes wide as they skim over his body to check for hurt or discomfort. When he sees his pale face and wide eyes, his brows furrow in concern. 

“Are you okay?” he asks gently, abandoning the drawer and walking toward him slowly, so as not to spook him. There’s no signs of disgust or surprise on his face which has Louis confused. 

“You aren’t mad?” he blurts. 

Harry looks even more lost at that, stopping a foot away from Louis and frowning. “Mad at what?” 

Louis shifts, guilty and embarrassed. “I stole your clothes,” he mumbles, ducking his head. “I’m really sorry about it. It’s just- your scent… it’s-”

“It’s what?” Harry asks, lips curving up into - is he smirking?

“Stop that,” Louis complains, narrowing his eyes. 

“Stop what?” Harry says, amused. 

“I’m trying to apologize for stealing from you and you look so smug,” Louis whines, crossing his arms and pouting. 

Harry smiles at him, softening. “Louis, I already knew.” 

Louis stills, words processing slowly. “Wait, what?” he says, mouth dropping open. 

“I didn’t have that many clothes with me at Liam’s in the first place so of course I noticed when they started to go missing,” Harry says, looking at him fondly. “I saw you take my red sweater one day too.” 

Gaping, Louis fumbles for a reasonable explanation. “Why didn’t you say anything?” is what he settles on. Why on earth would Harry just… let him get away with it?

The alpha just shrugs. “I didn’t mind,” he says. “You clearly wanted them. I even scented a few things and left them out intentionally.” He pauses, glancing back at the drawer. “You used them for a nest, right?”

He nods. “I did… but then I washed them and they didn’t have your scent anymore so I just kept them here. I was going to return them eventually! Just haven’t gotten around to it,” he explains, still embarrassed. He pointedly does not mention how he got himself off multiple times in said nest during his heat, cheeks burning at the thought. 

“Nests have always been really lovely to me,” Harry admits, scratching his beard subconsciously. “The concept of creating a safe place and using things and scents that make you feel safe…” He trails off, smiling sheepishly. “I dunno. Letting you use my clothes just made me feel like I was taking care of you and looking out for you indirectly. ‘S that weird?” 

Louis shakes his head automatically. “No, of course not… That’s kind of sweet, actually. Thank you.” 

“I’ve never gotten to see one before,” he whispers. 

“I - really?” Louis breathes, waiting for Harry’s nod. “Well, you’re welcome in mine any time.” 

Harry just smiles at him, closing the distance between them and leaning down to kiss Louis softly on the lips.

He presses up into him, placing his hands on Harry’s shoulders as Harry holds his waist carefully. He’s still not used to the way his entire body seems to go lax when Harry touches him, the way his heart rate slows down and everything goes a bit hazy. Harry’s beard grazes his cheeks and his thumbs press into Louis’ stomach, the smell of firewood and dark chocolate whirling around them. 

The alpha pulls back after a second, but not too far, keeping his hands where they are as he murmurs, “Now what was that you were saying about dinner?” 

+

Louis’ heat arrives just after New Year’s. He and Harry have been living together for a couple weeks now, spending the holidays together. They each went different ways for Christmas, Louis going home on his birthday to see his siblings and Harry going to see his family for the first time since he and Kade broke up. Louis almost asked to go with him, knowing Harry was nervous, but when he received a text from Harry’s new phone Christmas morning: **going well :-)** he’d known he made the right choice. 

Things are good between them. It hasn’t even been that long but Louis already feels so much healthier, so much better, stronger _._ Things are going great with their relationship too, cuddling and kissing becoming staple parts of their days and nights, but they still haven’t slept together. In fact, Louis hasn’t slept with anyone _ever._ He’s dated a little bit but none of them were very serious and none of them ever advanced far enough for Louis to feel comfortable losing his virginity to them. 

He’s always known that he was going to wait for the right person and… well, he’s pretty sure _Harry_ is the right person. The right person to be his first knot, first heat partner, first everything. But he hasn’t actually gotten around to telling him that. 

According to his app, he’s got a couple days until he’ll fall under but he can already feel the beginning traces of desire in his system, curling at the edges of his consciousness as a reminder of what’s to come. 

And for as much that he stresses about it, the actual asking goes a lot easier than he expected. As in, like many other occasions, Louis waits until Harry is sitting down before he blurts all of it out.

“My heat is coming soon,” is what comes out first. He bites his lip harshly, watching the way Harry’s face changes as the information processes. He takes a deep breath. “I would never ever want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with doing but you’re also always telling me to tell you what I want and what I want is for you to help me through my heat.” 

He pauses but continues again before Harry can respond. “Not only that but I’ve never spent a heat with anyone else before…” He purses his lips, mumbling the next part. “And I’m still a virgin.”

Harry opens his mouth but Louis starts talking again, panic and fear clawing up his throat as he rambles on. “I’ve always wanted to wait for the right person before losing my virginity and I’ve also always known that it would happen during a heat when it hurts less but earlier on so I can still remember it. I want to remember my first knot. And I found the right person. _You.”_ He gnaws on his bottom lip. “But just because I know it’s you doesn't mean it has to happen now. I want it to be you, is all I mean. Whenever or however it happens. But if you don’t want to spend my heat with me, you’ll probably have to go back to Liam’s for those few days and that’s completely fine with me. Whatever you want, Harry- that’s fine with me. I just-“

“Louis,” says Harry firmly, stopping his ramble instantly. His brows are furrowed and he’s frowning thoughtfully, like he’s mulling something over.

Tension pulses between them as Louis waits for the rest, posture rigid and fingers curled into his knees protectively. 

“I… I’ll spend your heat with you,” Harry says slowly. He sounds unsure about it but there’s a look of determination on his features. He clears his throat, scratching at his beard absent-mindedly. “I’ve never spent a heat with anyone either. Or a rut,” he admits. “Kade didn’t want that. With me.”

Louis’ heart pangs with sadness and anger. Every small detail he hears about the other omega makes him feel an ugly hatred but he also feels that it’s entirely justified. “I want that,” he says, just so Harry knows.

The alpha looks at him softly. “I know,” he says. “I want it too.” He hesitates before adding, “I’d be honored to be your first.”

“Okay,” Louis breathes, indescribable happiness filling his chest. He’s known since he was young that having an alpha help you with a heat makes it much more tolerable - _enjoyable,_ even - and he’s spent his entire life gritting his teeth and enduring his heats like they were a constant appointment for self-hatred, frustration, and pain. But all of that is going to change with this heat. 

“Okay,” Harry echoes, a mirrored expression of anticipation and eagerness shining through his small smile. 

Yeah, Louis thinks he could get used to this optimism thing. 

+

Louis wakes up feverish and sweating, suffocating in Harry’s tight hold. It only takes a few moments for him to remember that today is the day. The day of his heat. 

They’re both conscious of it as they continue with their day, making sure they’re stocked up on food and water and that Liam is still coming over before lunch to pick up Clifford for the next couple of days. Eventually they’ll have to figure out an alternative to just depending on their friends being free and available to dog-sit but the unpredictability is on the wrong side of _too much_ for their first go.

They don’t go on their normal morning walk either, the mere mention and potential of being seen by other people - other _alphas -_ enough to elicit a low growl from Harry. 

Instead they stay together, lounging around in loose clothing. Harry is hyper-focused on Louis and his well-being, constantly checking that he’s not thirsty or hungry or uncomfortable. He’s always open to a cuddle too, indulging Louis when he climbs into the alpha’s lap and whines into his neck. 

It’s not until mid-afternoon when the dull itch that’s been plaguing Louis’ insides has strengthened to a painful thrum, throbbing in his temples and prickling his skin. 

After the initial descent, his current state deteriorates quickly. 

Harry goes to the kitchen for more water much to Louis’ discontent and of course, that’s when the first wave of desperation hits him, the familiar burn making its way across Louis’ body until he’s panting. 

Slick starts leaking from his hole, cock fattening up and body shifting, seeking out a method of relief and coming up empty. _Harry,_ he thinks. He needs Harry. 

He calls for him loudly, voice wavering and wobbly with the weight of his panic. 

When the alpha doesn’t appear immediately, he whines loudly, desperate. He tries to control his breathing by holding for counts of three, body shaking like a leaf. 

“Harry,” he yells again, shifting around on the sheets nervously. Panic is beginning to fester in his stomach as the seconds go by. 

He nearly sobs when Harry appears in the doorway, almost tripping in his haste to get to Louis as fast as possible. He stops abruptly beside the bed, eyes wide and chest rising and falling with every breath. 

Louis thrashes helplessly, the burn growing stronger and stronger. The heat is nearly all-consuming at this point and he can’t help his noises of distress, spilling from his lips like syrup and sticking in the gaps between them. 

Harry rakes his eyes over his body, blinking rapidly like even that fraction of a second is too long, too _much,_ to miss. His eyes are dark with lust, lips parted as he breathes in and out harshly. He’s still standing beside the bed, body leaning in over the mattress until he’s practically looming over him but it’s still much too far away. His scent is radiating off of him, thick and protective, but Louis needs it closer, needs _him_ closer. 

“Harry,” he whines, fingers curling into the thin fabric as slick releases from his hole in a steady stream. “Need you.” 

“I’m sorry, it’s just - I can’t believe I get to-” Harry cuts himself off again as he gets overwhelmed, his eyes wide and hazy. “You’re so beautiful. I’m so lucky,” he finishes. 

Louis is endeared but also really fucking desperate. He whines again. “Need you,” he pleads, squirming on the bed helplessly. The burning feeling in his skin has spread all across his body, a scorching path of pain and discomfort that can only be soothed by one person. _“Alpha,_ please.” 

The term of endearment is what makes Harry snap, growling softly as he sets a knee on the bed and immediately crawls over his shifting body. 

Louis feels out of control, dizzy with Harry’s scent seeping into his senses and flowing to every cell, every nerve, every inch of his overheated body until he’s immersed in it. He pants, gasping and gulping for air as Harry leans in closer, breath fanning across his face. 

“Touch me,” he breathes, tears brimming in his eyes due to his frustration. “Alpha, touch-”

Harry cradles his face in his big hands and kisses him.

Whining, Louis lets Harry tilt his head where he wants it for easier access. Their lips slot together more effectively and the coarse hair of Harry’s beard grazes over his flushed cheeks and it hurts so good. 

The scent of firewood and dark chocolate intensifies as Harry lowers himself over him, the thin material of his shirt almost excruciatingly harsh against Louis' sensitive skin. He doesn’t mind though, not when Harry is covering his entire body with his own, subconsciously trying to protect him and keep him safe.

He’s growling too, low and soft under his breath, chest rumbling as he thumbs over Louis’ wet cheekbones, licking into his mouth. 

Every movement is so assured and deliberate and _confident,_ alpha in every way. Louis is blown away, whimpering softly when Harry breaks their kiss in favor of bowing down his neck, licking a stripe over his scenting gland before dragging his lips down to his bonding spot.

He presses a single, lingering kiss to the area. A promise for the future. 

Louis’ vision is going blurry, mind slowing down until he feels floaty and pliant. His heat is falling over him quickly but Harry hasn’t even taken his clothes off. 

Yanking at the material desperately, he bites down on Harry’s shoulder, unable to express what he wants in his feral state.

“What do you need, pup?” Harry soothes, wiping the frustrated tears off his cheeks tenderly. 

“Need,” Louis stutters, letting out a distressed sound when he can’t say it. “Knot,” he breathes, “Need your knot. Now when I can still remember it. Please.”

Harry exhales. “Okay,” he murmurs, kissing up the side of Louis’ throat and nipping teasingly at his skin. 

It’s like any traces of nervousness and feelings of inadequacy have disappeared, like Harry has pushed it all down so he can give Louis what he needs. 

“Got you,” he whispers, tugging his ear lobe between his teeth playfully. He slides a leg between Louis’, giving him something to rut up into restlessly, whimpering and mewling. “I’ve got you,” he keeps saying. 

His touch is reverent as his hands slide down his body and the dip of his waist before settling at his hips. 

Louis jerks at the touch, bucking up into Harry’s leg and whining another high whine. 

“Most stunning creature I’ve ever seen. So beautiful, so-” Harry breaks off abruptly, growling when Louis bares his neck at him shamelessly. 

“Knot. Knot me,” he mumbles, syllables slurring together. 

“I will, pup,” Harry promises, running his hands up and down his sides soothingly. His palm encompasses so much of Louis’ chest- he’s got big hands, big _alpha_ hands with long, thick fingers that Louis wants inside of him immediately. 

“Clothes off,” he begs, changing tactics. If Harry won’t stick it in yet, he can at least have the consideration to take his clothes off so Louis can feel bare skin against his own burning skin. 

The alpha appeases him in this, leaning back on his haunches to pull his shirt off and reveal inches of smooth tattooed chest. 

Louis exhales, throat suddenly dry. His eyes trace over the vivid black lines, finding swallows and a moth and fern leaves near his hip bones. He swallows as Harry leans forward again, abs going taut. 

Harry recently began working out again, telling Louis that he had once exercised frequently, always going to the gym for cardio or boxing and running miles at the park and doing yoga. He’s not quite up to his once vigorous routine but apparently it’s doing _something._

“C’mere,” he slurs, making grabby hands until Harry huffs and returns to his place over Louis, filling his empty gaps and letting warmth and safety seal them shut. 

Safe, Louis feels so safe underneath Harry. He doesn’t feel like he’s not enough or like he should be better. He feels safe and treasured with Harry’s admiring gaze focused wholly on him.

With another small whimper, he slides a little bit deeper into heat. “Fuck me,” he breathes, far past feeling embarrassed by his desperate pleas.

He’s completely soaked through his underwear, fabric sticking to his arse uncomfortably. He knows he smells irresistible too, satisfaction settling in his stomach as he watches Harry’s nostrils flare and another growl slip from his lips. 

Those big hands slide back to his hips, tips of his fingers curling into the waistband. And then he’s tugging it down slowly. 

Louis exhales in relief when it's off, completely naked and vulnerable as Harry takes in his most intimate parts. 

“Beautiful,” he murmurs, his voice impossibly deep. “Beautiful, Omega. Thank you.” His hands are gentle as they spread Louis’ legs and expose his fluttering hole, leaking a steady stream of slick onto the sheets. 

Harry’s nostrils flare as he inhales. “You smell… _divine_ ,” he murmurs, leaning closer. He noses into Louis’ inner thigh, breathing in deeply. 

“Wha- what do I smell like?” Louis gasps out, thighs quivering until Harry stills them with two steady hands. 

“Vanilla,” Harry breathes, reverent. “Some cinnamon. _Sweet,_ the sweetest omega. So lucky I get to see you like this.” He sounds so overwhelmed and emotional by it, holding Louis like he’s going to slip away any moment. Though he’s losing awareness quickly, Louis feels a sudden shot of anger and pure hatred for Harry’s ex boyfriend spike inside him. 

It makes him even more desperate for Harry to get on with it, to focus on him and not the sadness of his past, to experience what he deserves to experience. 

“Touch me,” Louis begs. “Please- _oh.”_ He jerks when he feels Harry’s lips brush over his rim, parted and achingly slow as they drag across his skin. 

The first press of tongue has Louis whining out loud, hips bucking up helplessly until Harry clamps them down, fingers curling into his hip bones. 

“Taste just as sweet as you smell,” Harry rasps, before diving back in and licking a long, lingering stripe up his perineum. 

Louis shudders, gone completely slack as Harry laps at his slick like a man starved, the alpha rumbling deep within his chest in satisfaction. Louis’ own omega is purring, heart beating loudly in his ears. A deep flush travels from his cheeks down his neck, blooming across his chest as he squirms, pushing into Harry’s tongue. 

Harry dips into his hole, face buried between Louis’ thighs as he eagerly licks up every bit of slick Louis leaks. It’s like he’s addicted, letting out grunts and groans like there’s nothing else he’d rather be doing. 

Painfully sensitive, it doesn’t take long for Louis to come, body arching up into the air as he mewls through his release, shuddering and trembling. 

Harry licks him through it, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into his hips as he recovers. “Beautiful,” he’s mumbling over and over. _“Perfect._ Perfect, Omega.” 

“Knot,” Louis croaks brokenly, already hard and desperate for another release. 

“You want it?” Harry asks, pressing a final kiss to his hole before pulling back completely. His voice is gritty, deepened and hoarse with lust. “Gonna give it to you. Make you feel good.” 

He leans back finally to take his pants off, revealing long, strong legs covered in sparse dark hair. He pulls his boxers down too and his cock slaps up to his stomach, hard and thick and big. 

Louis swallows at the sight, a low whine spilling from his lips unconsciously. He’s never actually seen an alpha’s cock before but the difference in size and girth is undeniable. Omegas have small cocks, not built for impregnating and breeding like alpha cocks are. And Harry is _big._ And he doesn’t even know if the whole thing can fit inside him, but he’d like to test it out, immediately. 

Harry grips it with one hand, head tipping back as he groans, the muscles in his stomach going taut and quivering as he strokes it slowly. Louis watches with his mouth agape and throat dry. 

“In, in, in,” he chants, spreading his legs even wider. 

For once, the alpha listens quickly, crawling back between his legs. A moment later, a finger is prodding at his entrance. 

Louis hisses as it eases in, so much thicker and longer than his own fingers which he’s used in the past. The slick makes the glide smooth as Harry carefully begins to fuck his finger in and out at a measured pace, mumbling soothing words and telling Louis how lovely he looks. It’s incredibly sweet and Louis will think back on it and smile shyly, but right now all he can think about is _fingers cock knot._ In that exact order. 

“More,” he pleads, voice ragged. 

Harry kisses his inner thigh soothingly, sliding in a second finger carefully. “I’ve got you, Omega,” he reminds Louis. 

And Louis knows. Harry has him. Harry keeps him safe. 

Two fingers turns to three as Harry focuses on spreading him open. As the heat progresses, the need for prep decreases but Harry has always been careful and cautious, always making sure Louis is okay and not in pain. 

Finally, _finally,_ he eases his fingers out, wiping them haphazardly on the sheets before he’s gripping Louis’ hips gently and positioning himself. 

Louis feels Harry’s cock bump his inner thigh, big and thick. He gulps, anticipation and desperation rising to a peak inside him. He’s still pleading, unaware of the words coming out of his own mouth. All he can focus on is the blunt head of Harry’s cock against him as he lines up and slowly eases in, going oh so slowly and whispering words of encouragement the whole time. 

“You can take it,” he’s saying. “Doing so well, pup. Gonna take it all for me. My good omega.” His soothing tone numbs Louis’ brain, feeling nothing but full, full, full as Harry pushes in deeper and deeper, protective and comforting pheromones swirling around them. Firewood and dark chocolate and pure alpha. 

He jerks when Harry bottoms out, gasping out at the feeling of being completely full. He can’t imagine what it's going to feel like when Harry puts a knot in him. 

“Ready, Omega?” Harry asks softly, cradling Louis’ face gently and meeting his eyes.

Squinting until his vision sharpens enough, Louis nods. “Knot me, Alpha,” he goads, wrapping his legs around Harry’s back and pulling him in closer. 

Harry looks amused at this but he grabs both of Louis’ hands in his, intertwining their fingers and squeezing before pinning them above Louis’ head, preventing Louis from moving too much.

And then he starts moving. He eases out slowly at first, the drag positively incredible as his cock slides out of Louis’ tight hole. He pauses only a moment before he’s pushing back in, faster this time but still achingly thorough. 

Louis gasps at the feeling, fingers twitching where they’re restrained by Harry’s. He whimpers as Harry finds a steady rhythm, slow and gentle but intense and overwhelming all the same. 

He finds Louis’ spot immediately, cataloguing the way Louis cries out and tenses, before maintaining the angle and aiming for it in every thrust.

“Close,” Louis chokes out, stomach heaving as Harry continues to slam into him. A pressure is building inside him, burning through his skin and growing bigger and bigger. It can be nothing but his release. 

That’s proven a minute later as Harry hits his prostate again and he jolts, cum splattering up his chest as he heaves for breath. 

Harry keeps going, knowing that Louis won’t feel completely satisfied until there’s a knot in him. He ducks down and mouths at Louis’ pulse messily, teeth scraping along his neck before he’s nipping at Louis’ bonding spot. 

Louis clenches down on instinct, whining loudly. Harry’s movements stutter before he’s speeding up to an almost animalistic pace, mumbling praises and sweet nothings as he chases his own release. His knot begins to form at the base and Louis starts wriggling, anticipation growing in his stomach as Harry shoves in deeper and deeper. 

He thrusts in once, twice, and a final time, knot swelling quickly and catching on Louis’ rim before finally locking inside as the alpha groans through his release. It hurts a bit but the pleasure drowns out any pain. 

Louis whimpers at the sensation, squirming as hot cum is pumped into him. The knot feels endless, filling him up and making him Harry’s in the most instinctual way possible. He clings to Harry’s shoulders as Harry noses into his neck, pressing soothing kisses up the column of his throat. 

“Good?” he’s asking, pressing a quick kiss to Louis’ bitten lips, his voice scratchy. 

Unable to speak, Louis settles for mewling into the alpha’s ear, sated and content. The ugly burning feeling that’s been festering since his heat began is temporarily satisfied and pleasure is coursing through his body in waves. 

Knots usually take fifteen to twenty minutes to die down but it’ll be a bit longer since it’s Louis’ first. He clenches down experimentally, being met with a choked off groan as Harry’s grip tightens on his hips. 

“Be still, Omega,” he commands. 

Louis mewls again, going lax and letting Harry lick his neck comfortingly. 

He can feel himself slipping even further, only wisps of his consciousness hanging on as everything else fades away. He focuses on the feeling of Harry inside him, warm skin pressed together and bodies intertwined. He focuses on the feeling of safety and contentment curling in his stomach. He focuses on the trust he feels, because that’s the most important part. 

The trust you have in someone to take care of you when you’re at your most vulnerable. The trust you have for someone to put your needs above their own. That unbreakable, sacred trust that you place only in the hands of someone who will hold it carefully, protectively. 

Louis trusts Harry, trusts him more than anything, so he lets the heat overtake him, succumbing to the desperation and pleasure and letting Harry take care of him. Letting Harry be his alpha. 

+

For the first time in his life, Louis comes out of his heat feeling well rested, sated, and _happy_ . Harry’s arm is thrown around his middle and tugged close to his chest, Louis’ own hands intertwined with his near his chin. He’s sore but in a way that brings a smile to his face, the twinges of pain reminiscent of what they’d done together. When he shifts he can feel just how _much_ evidence is still there. 

So he’s happy, albeit in dire need of a shower. He guesses they both are. There isn’t an inch of them that isn’t pressed intimately together and as much as he savors it, his body aches to get clean after the days they’ve spent here. 

“Harry,” he whispers, nudging him with his shoulder. When that doesn’t work he tries a bit harder, shaking the heavy arm around his shoulders. “Hey, Harry. Alpha.” 

“Hm - what,” Harry’s head pops up off of the pillow and he growls, glancing around the room for any sort of a threat before his eyes land on Louis and soften. “What is it, Omega?” 

Before Louis can answer properly Harry’s got his nose in Louis’ neck again, scenting him even though he’s already calm. Louis chuckles lightly and lifts a hand to pet at the back of the alpha’s head, waiting patiently for him to finish. 

“We need a shower,” he murmurs when Harry pulls away. 

“I’ll wash you,” he rasps, voice still spotty from waking up. He takes one more long inhale before he unlatches his arm from around Louis and says, “Stay here.” 

Confused but content, Louis rolls onto his back and listens as the shower turns on, cabinets being opened and shut and doors opened. He stretches just so he can feel the strain in his muscles again, the pull of the skin on the bruises littered across his neck. 

Soon enough Harry returns to the room and peels back the sheets, slipping his arms underneath Louis’ pliant body to lift him into the air and carry him into the bathroom where the steam is already fogging up the mirror. Completely nude, Louis clings to him as he goes from warm bed to cool air to warm again. He’s let down onto his feet on the soft bathroom rug. 

Harry leans over to check the water, sticking a hand underneath the spray to make sure it isn’t too hot for them. Once he deems it good enough he turns back to help him inside, but he freezes when his eyes fall on Louis’ body. 

His face pinches up and his lip curls into a deep frown, his green eyes filling with distress.

“What is it?” Louis rushes, reaching out for him. 

Instead of accepting the touch, Harry recoils away from him instead, shaking his head at himself. “I - I hurt you,” he stutters. 

Louis glances down to follow his gaze. There are marks littered across his chest, stomach, thighs, and neck, all dark red and purples. None of them hurt though, and none broke skin, and Louis remembers clearly asking for most of them. He isn’t angry in the slightest. In fact, he takes more pride in them than he ever thought he would. 

Hesitantly he steps forward and kneels onto the bathroom rug in front of Harry where he’d sunk to his knees as well, his head in his hands. Louis pulls them away from his face and lowers his voice, grabbing Harry’s wrist to place over one of the marks on his neck. 

“I’m so sorry,” Harry murmurs, his voice thick with tears. “I didn’t mean to - I shouldn’t have-” 

“Harry, Alpha, it’s okay. I wanted them,” Louis promises. “Don’t you like them?” 

Harry seems to struggle with the question, eyeing them all over again as his finger begins to massage the one on his neck. “Wasn’t - wasn’t allowed to. Before,” he whispers, struggling to get the words out. “Bad alpha.” 

“No, no, _good_ ,” Louis emphasizes, heart breaking. “I _want_ these, Harry. It reminds me of you, yeah?” 

“It does?” Harry asks, his eyes flicking up every few seconds to meet Louis’. 

Nodding, he trails his gaze over Harry’s body as well, landing on a mark he’d left on his skin in return. It’s just above his pec and not very big, but it’s a mark nonetheless. Louis points to it and watches Harry take it in. 

“See? I left one on you, too,” he says. “Does it hurt?” 

“No,” Harry murmurs curiously, pressing on it. 

“Mine don’t either. I promise you.” Louis scoots forward and burrows himself in the alpha’s arms, pressing his cold nose into his collarbone. “One of these days you’ll get to mark me for real.” 

Harry’s chest rumbles with a possessive growl and he tightens his hold, gripping Louis around the waist until he’s settled comfortably on his lap. For several long moments Louis doesn’t disturb them. It feels nice to just sit with him comfortably, relaxed and sated. However, the sound of the running water draws him from his headspace and he smirks into Harry’s neck. 

“I think we’re going to run out of hot water,” Louis says into his shoulder, lips carving out a smile into the skin. 

Ever the attentive alpha, Harry stands immediately with Louis in his arms and walks them inside, situating him underneath the water. The water is already just the slightest bit cool, but Louis inhales the scent of the alpha once more anyway and lays his head against Harry’s chest. They have all the time in the world. 

+

Once they get Louis clean, he decides that it’s Harry’s turn. It’s a two-way street after all, and Louis’ dying to get his hands on the alpha. 

Harry lets him use the loofah to wash him in the shower and kneels for Louis to wash his hair, rubbing his tense shoulders while he has the chance. Eventually he seems to relax somewhat and his eyes fall shut, Louis’ smile bright with relief. 

Slipping into some clean boxers after they’re dried off, Louis takes his hand and walks him to the bathroom mirror just as the condensation clears enough that they can see their reflection. 

He reaches underneath the cabinet and pulls out the basket of products he uses to wash his face, setting it on top of the counter. Louis pulls out the lotion and lathers some onto his hands, moisturizing his face, his arms, and his legs with it while Harry watches him. At one point Louis startles when the back of Harry’s hand caresses the smooth skin on his leg, the alpha’s arm darting back to his own side as if he’d been burned. Louis only gives an encouraging smile and pulls it back, keeping it there until Harry calms again. 

“Your turn?” Louis suggests, turning to him with brows raised. 

Harry is a gorgeous alpha, Louis has no doubt, especially after seeing all of him. But there are a few things he could do for himself to move forward, starting with the beard that’s growing longer and longer now. Louis doesn’t want it gone by any means, but he can show Harry how to take care of it properly because he has a feeling he doesn’t even know how. 

“What do you mean?” Harry frowns thoughtfully. 

Smiling softly at him, Louis takes the bar of soap from beside the sink and lathers up a wash rag, lifting it to scrub lightly at the stiff hair on his cheeks, chin, and upper lip. Harry winces but leans down to let him continue nonetheless, tilting when he’s supposed to so Louis can reach the parts on his neck as well. 

“Feels nice?” 

“Yes,” Harry hums. His eyes shut as Louis continues to clean it for him. 

The skin around the beard, his nose, and his eyes is dry and rough so Louis puts lotion on those spots too, using his thumbs to work it into the stubborn areas. Harry truly is a beautiful alpha, he just needs some help. 

When he’s finished with that he leans back down to the cabinet in search of some old hair cutting scissors that he has from ages ago. He stands again with them in his hands, Harry’s eyes much wider than they were before when he pulls out the razor from the basket as well. 

“Just a trim,” Louis supplies, but Harry’s apprehension doesn’t seem to lessen. 

“Louis, I’m not sure about this-” he hesitates. 

“I won’t take it away, Harry. Just shaping it a bit for you, I promise,” he says. “We don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.” 

Harry’s eyes search Louis’ intensely for a moment. Louis’ caught off guard for a moment with the force of it, wondering why it’s such a big thing for him. He’ll respect his decision, of course, but he really thinks this could be another good thing for him. 

“Okay,” Harry settles on eventually, still eyeing the scissors as he licks over his lips. 

Instructing him to tilt his head backward, Louis starts slowly by trimming only the hair that’s grown past his chin. He makes small portions, the hair falling down into the sink below, until the sharp outline of Harry’s jaw is visible. 

He pauses for a moment to run his hands over it, stroking the hair in the right direction and smiling again at Harry when he still seems nervous. 

Swapping the scissors for the razor, Louis very carefully begins to thin around his cheeks, lightly shaping the top of the beard as well. He leaves some around Harry’s lip but goes even thinner on his cheeks so that his dimples will be more visible when he grins. 

He’s still being gentle when both of them freeze. Under a layer of the hair on his lower cheek, Louis’ just uncovered a long, thin scar. A welt, just slightly red and raised like it never quite healed properly. 

Harry’s jaw sets and his eyes shut, moisture collecting at the corners again. 

“Oh, Harry,” Louis breathes. 

Louis runs his finger over it and Harry winces but allows him to do so. It dawns on him just how much Harry had to trust him to let him do this. Now he knows why he’d been so hesitant before. 

Leaning forward and up onto his tiptoes, Louis presses his lips to it lightly. Then he pushes away and tells Harry he’ll be right back. 

He rifles through the kitchen drawers to find the antibacterial cream and grabs it, rushing back to the bathroom. Settling back into his spot between Harry and the cabinet, he uncaps it and squeezes some onto his finger, gently applying it to the scar. 

Right now would be a perfect time to ask him how he’d gotten it but Louis has a feeling he already knows. There’s no reason to make Harry explain that to him. That was in the past and neither of them are there anymore - they have each other now, and they’re getting healthier already, and they don’t have to worry about the old scars anymore, physical or otherwise. 

It doesn’t take him long afterwards to finish up cleaning the rest of the hair, especially after Harry’s shoulders untense again, and Louis combs them gently in the right direction before urging Harry to look up into the mirror to see the final result. 

Wrapping his arms around Harry’s side, he takes in the sight of both of them. Harry’s hands shake slightly when he lifts them to inspect his face, rubbing at some spots and eyes lingering on his scar. He stares at himself for a long while, then glances down at Louis tearfully. 

“Thank you,” he says. 

He seems tired despite having slept all night after Louis’ heat, so Louis just grins at him and shakes his head, pressing a kiss to his chin. 

“Take me back to bed, Alpha?” 

Avoiding the dirty sheets from before, Harry lifts him again and takes him to the couch, laying them out and wrapping his arms around Louis just like he had before. When he leans into Louis’ neck to scent him, Louis makes room for him there, revelling in the way Harry’s beard feels on his skin now that it isn’t so unkempt. 

“I’m proud of you,” he murmurs softly. 

Harry kisses his bonding spot tenderly and Louis shivers. “Me too,” he murmurs, voice heavy with emotion. “Thank you.” 

Louis doesn’t say anything back, doesn’t need to. 

+

Things go really well until Harry nears rut. The difference is striking - he begins to recoil away from any sort of touch and he neglects to partake in their nightly cuddling now, opting to curl up on his own side of the bed, his knees pulled up to his chest. Most nights now Louis props himself up on one arm and watches him sleep, running his fingers through his hair and smoothing out his brow when it wrinkles, troubled with whatever he’s dreaming about. 

In some ways it seems like their progress may be going in the opposite direction, but Louis’d been somewhat prepared for this already. He knows Kade never spent heat or rut with Harry, the alpha always banished to the guest room and locked in until it ran its course. Louis’ heart twists and squeezes in his chest. 

Harry was taught that rut was a strictly bad thing. That he was simply a slave to his desires and couldn’t control them, wasn’t a good enough alpha to even try. Louis wants to show him that he isn’t the bad alpha he thinks he is. 

During the lucid portions of his heat when he’d been alert, Harry was perfect. He’d taken care of Louis, fed him, bathed him, made sure he was comfortable, and he did all of it without even having to think about it first. Louis isn’t scared to spend his rut with him. If anything, he’s eager to return the favor. 

He just has to get Harry to agree first. 

Louis presses his lips to Harry’s heated forehead when he jerks himself awake from a nightmare, scenting him until he falls back asleep. His lovely, troubled alpha. 

+

Harry falls into it slowly, a rapid decline over a few days. 

He and Louis have talked about it but it doesn’t seem to make him any less anxious about the impending event, looming over his head and making him so nervous that he refuses to eat. Harry refuses until Louis sits him down and lays across his lap, feeding him food he’d made by hand. 

That night he tosses and turns, whimpering and grunting frustratedly during his sleep, turning to Louis for comfort one moment and then dodging away the next. Louis doesn’t think either of them get much sleep that night. 

He gets out of bed when he hears Harry stumble to the bathroom, the shower turning on soon after. Louis crosses his arms in Harry’s sweater and knocks lightly on the door, pushing it open when he gets no response. 

“Harry?” he asks. 

“No, Louis, don’t - don’t look at me,” he coughs, wiping the back of his mouth from where he’d gotten sick. The toilet flushes and he curls back in on himself against the bathroom wall, his head hidden between his knees. 

“Harry,” Louis repeats softly. He wets a washcloth and brings it over to the alpha, kneeling in front of him. 

Once he’s able to get Harry’s hands away from his face he drags it over his heated skin to cool him down, sweat already dripping off of him. Soon he’s reaching for the hem of his shirt to get it off, running the rag over his chest too. 

“I don’t want it,” Harry tells him brokenly. “I don’t want to - I don’t want to have to do this, Louis.” 

“I know,” Louis nods, pushing his hair back from his face. “Do you want to shower first? I’ll go in with you.” 

“It hurts,” Harry whimpers, despite his answering nod to the shower. 

“It’ll be okay,” Louis rasps. Even he has a difficult time not letting the thick emotion affect him as he helps Harry stand and step into the shower, the pain evident in Harry’s features. 

Both of their bodies are so angry with them for not finding someone a long time ago to do this with, but a burst of hot anger flares in Louis’ chest. They have each other now, and he hates seeing Harry hurt. He wraps his arms around Harry’s waist and hugs him as tightly as he can, letting Harry cry softly into his shoulder and hold him in return. It’s all he can do, really. 

From the scent in the air and the way Harry seems to be getting quieter, Louis can tell it’s about to hit him. He finishes washing up and twists the knob until the water turns off, quickly drying Harry as well as himself. 

“Let’s get to the bed, yeah?” 

“Louis, I - it’s not too late. I can stay somewhere else, I can-” 

“I want you here,” Louis stops him, bringing them to the edge of the bed. “With me.” 

To prove his point further he keeps his hold on Harry’s hand as he pulls his shirt up and off, his bottoms soon after. Then he falls backward and pulls Harry to lay next to him, the alpha’s head falling onto his chest. 

“I’m scared,” Harry says one last time, clinging to his skin. He’s trembling. 

“You won’t hurt me,” Louis reminds him. “And you aren’t a bad alpha. We were made for this, yeah? Just let yourself go, H.” 

With an unsteady hand Harry touches Louis’ chest, right over where his heart beats underneath the skin. From there he touches his shoulder and his arms, each of his fingers and his palm. Then he repeats it all over again until he’s clutching Louis’ hip like he thinks Louis might leave if he lets go. 

“I’ll be right here, Harry. M’not leaving your side, I promise. I trust you.” 

As he begins to fall into it, Harry’s movements are jerky and uncoordinated, but Louis doesn’t stray from him. He soothes a hand up and down his side and waits until he stops fighting it, slowly urging his nose to Louis’ own neck. 

“Louis,” Harry says, growing frantic. He’s started emitting a low growl, wobbly like he’s trying to tamp it down but unable to. 

“I trust you,” Louis repeats softly in response, letting Harry growl into his neck as his grip tightens. “Let go.” 

Harry grunts, fingers digging into Louis’ hip. He’s shaking slightly. “Say- say,” he breaks off, frustrated. “Say you’re mine.” 

“I’m yours,” Louis says instantly, tangling his fingers in the back of Harry’s head as the alpha scents his neck fervently, trying to get Louis to smell like him and only him. “I’m yours,” he repeats as Harry grows more and more desperate, growling under his breath. 

He can pinpoint the exact moment Harry gives in, a fraction of a second after Louis presses a soothing kiss to his cheek. His body goes rigid for a stilted three seconds and then Louis is being pushed down flat against the bed. 

Without much of a fight he goes willingly, allowing Harry to position him how he wants. He’s surprised when Harry keeps him on his back, but the way Harry’s looking at him it’s almost like - like Kade never let him see his face this way.

With that thought in mind, Louis kisses him again even as his neck begins to burn from leaning upward, dropping back down onto the pillow so they can look at each other properly, something Harry probably never had the privilege of before. 

Louis’ legs are quickly lifted and spread apart, Harry kneeling up between them. He wastes no time in teasing him first but Louis doesn’t think he needs to, wetness already seeping through to the bedsheets below. 

Curiously, the alpha drags three of his fingers through the slick and promptly eases two of them inside, Louis’ head falling backward at the suddenness of the movement. However, having been prepared for this long before now, his body relaxes after a few seconds and welcomes the stretch. 

Quiet growls continue to spill from Harry’s lips and he glances over his shoulder toward the door every few seconds and then back to Louis, as if he’s afraid Louis will get up and walk out. In a show of promise, Louis wraps his legs around Harry’s waist and draws him forward, his fingers consequently delving deeper inside of Louis’ willing body. 

“Oh,” Louis moans, hands rushing forward to plant themselves on Harry’s shoulders. 

Now that he’s closer Louis can see every part of him, catch every detail he hadn’t been able to catch during his heat - vulnerable and open through his glassy green eyes. He can see every conflict and every desire swirling around in them that he’s still trying to hold back, everything he couldn’t have before that he wants with Louis. 

Reaching down between them, he pushes on Harry’s arm until his fingers leave the tight heat, gripping his large hip to show him he’s ready. That they’re both ready. 

Harry’s cock dances along his entrance and they both hiss at the feeling, somehow entirely different than it’d been during Louis’ heat. It still feels unnaturally large nestled between Louis’ open thighs but he knows this is what’s supposed to happen, that Harry was quite literally made to be there. He swallows and widens his legs until they burn, nodding up at Harry. 

“Louis,” he groans, cutting himself off when he just barely breaches him, the heavy tip of his cock inside of Louis already. _“Omega.”_

Eyes rolling backward in his head, Louis takes a moment for himself. He can feel every single inch of him as he sinks deeper and deeper, every vein and rigid curve. He can feel the way Harry’s arms shake and threaten to give out next to Louis’ head, and the way he pushes through it anyway to make sure that Louis’ alright. 

Even in rut, Harry’s the most attentive alpha Louis’ ever seen, running his hands over Louis’ face and hushing him when he whines, ignoring his own obvious discomfort in the process. Louis inhales his scent and calms, drawing Harry closer and throwing a leg up onto his hip. 

“Yours,” he reminds him. 

The single word has Harry’s hips snapping forward the rest of the way, closing the distance until his hips are pressed up firmly against the curve of Louis’ arse. They sigh in unison at the content feeling that washes over them. 

Harry’s instincts eventually begin to take over whether he wants them to or not, his cock drawing out before punching back in deep. He grits his teeth and drops his forehead onto Louis, holding his gaze. 

They’re so close that each drag of his hips has his abdomen rubbing along the curve of Louis’ smaller cock between them, quickly growing messy with his slick and excitement. Harry’s hand comes to grip the outside of his thigh tightly, fingernails digging into the skin as he begins to find a steady rhythm. 

Each of his thrusts send them farther up the bed but Louis can’t think about any of that right now, his mouth stuck open around a permanent gasp. The closer Harry gets, the more his cock fattens up inside of Louis’ body, growing until he’s filling in all of the right places and making Louis a whining, shaking mess. 

With his free hand Harry reaches up and tangles their fingers together, kissing him out of breath. His steady staccato delves into something much faster and Louis can’t keep track of it any longer. He lets himself relax completely, trusting Harry to take care of them both. 

The growling returns, loud and low in Louis’ ear, and Harry’s lips begin to explore his neck, subconsciously searching out a place for him to mark. Louis practically vibrates at the thought - he’s going to have a _mark_ after this. _Harry’s_ mark. He _is_ a good enough omega and he _is_ deserving, and he couldn’t imagine it with any other alpha. 

“I want-” Harry starts shakily, hips pistoning forward, “I’m sorry-” 

“Do it,” Louis gasps, baring his neck. 

Harry growls, leaning in to lick over the spot. There’s still some hesitance in his movements though, a quiet uncertainty that he just can’t seem to shake, and Louis can’t have that. 

He cups Harry’s face with trembling fingers, glad that the alpha moves with him because there’s no strength left in his limbs to exert any kind of force. “I love you,” he says wetly. “You’re my alpha and you’re the _best_ alpha. I love you.” 

Lips meet his a second later, Harry licking into his mouth fervently but achingly slow. He breaks the kiss, noses brushing as he mumbles against Louis’ cheek. “Love you,” he says back and even though it’s quiet, it’s firm and sure. 

“Bond me,” Louis urges, exposing his throat again. “Bond me, Alpha.” 

Harry grunts, pressing his open mouth to the spot. His thrusts have slowed down but they haven’t lessened in power, hips snapping forward almost instinctively as the knot forms at the base of his cock.

Louis shivers, adrenaline and anticipation thrumming through his body as he feels the first scrape of teeth. 

The alpha slams in one last time, shoving in as deep as he can as his knot finally pops, locking in as he bites down on Louis’ mating spot. 

The explosion of pain and euphoria that follows makes Louis dizzy, whining high in his throat as their bond seals and everything goes white. His entire body goes slack with feeling, rendered speechless. He just barely manages to lean up and bite down on Harry’s spot in return. 

An alpha’s mating spot doesn’t elicit the same kind of response or bonding link as an omega’s, more there for show and designation of mating than any actual purpose. It’s a display of trust and partnership between an alpha and omega; a sign of belonging with your mate. 

Harry jerks at the feeling, hissing in pain and tightening his hold on Louis. 

For a few minutes, they just breathe deeply, letting the bite marks bruise over where they’ll remain for everyone to see. 

And then, when they part, there’s a lighthearted laugh that floats through the air, and it takes Louis a few seconds to realize it isn’t coming from him. Harry’s chin is tilted up as he grins but his eyes are held on Louis, a hand cupping his face. He’s crying but he’s smiling and Louis mirrors his expression, leaning up to clink their teeth together in some semblance of a kiss. 

“I did it,” Harry laughs again, thumbing over his cheek. 

“You did it,” Louis echoes through his own grin. 

“ _We_ did it,” he corrects, still cradling his face as he leans in to press his lips to Louis’ properly. 

It’s much too soon to tell but Louis swears he already feels the effects of the mark. He feels like he’s glowing, like he and Harry are sharing some kind of alternate energy they hadn’t had before. At once he feels stronger, void of the weight that’d been suffocating him before. _His_ alpha. 

“My alpha,” he says out loud, pressing his lips to Harry’s hair. 

“My omega,” Harry returns. He rolls them over carefully so they’re both laying on their sides, wrapped together tightly. Firewood and dark chocolate and Louis’ own scent of vanilla and cinnamon swirl around them in a thick cloud, the smell of them together. 

Harry starts growling again a bit later, nosing into Louis’ neck before sucking unapologetic marks down the side of his throat. “Rut,” he grunts, trying to articulate that he’s falling deeper into his cycle.

Louis nods, wrapping his arms around Harry’s neck and keeping him close. “I’ve got you,” he says, echoing what Harry kept telling him during his heat. 

And like in Louis’ heat, Harry puts his trust in Louis and surrenders to his inner alpha completely. For the first time ever around an alpha, Louis lets all of his defenses down and simply feels, putting all of his trust in him - in _them_ \- and hoping Harry can feel just how much he means it. 

+

It takes every little bit of self-restraint and strength for Louis not to follow Harry outside of the car, eyes locked onto the alpha’s figure as he slowly walks up the path to the front porch of the house they’re parked in front of. 

Even from his spot in the passenger’s seat, he can see the nervous tension in the breadth of Harry’s shoulders, the hesitance in his steps. But he keeps walking until he reaches the door and then he stops abruptly. 

Sucking in a breath, Louis sits on his hands, a precaution from grabbing the handle and bursting out of the car to run after Harry and pull him back. 

The house itself looks wildly unthreatening, a standard one-story house with gray-blue walls, cobalt shutters, and a bright red door. There’s flowers planted on the front yard, purple and pink petunias and gardenias blooming beautifully in early Spring. 

It looks so innocent and lovely and Louis feels a deep urge to scream. The person who lives in this house does not deserve such pretty flowers or such suburban bliss. Not after what he did to Harry. 

His heart skips a beat when he sees the door inch open, a small figure stepping out. Louis strains to see them properly, Harry’s broad back hiding most of the omega. 

He presses his face to the glass, trying to stop himself from leaping up when Harry seems to hunch in on himself. He bites his lip hard enough to bleed, the metallic taste seeping into his taste buds as he watches everything play out. 

Harry had faltered for a moment, but Louis sees him straighten up again, stance apart and posture balanced. His heart is pounding in his ears, lungs contracting and squeezing as the omega pushes the door open completely, letting Harry come inside. 

All Louis catches is a glimpse of blonde hair and a petite build before they both disappear in the house. Heart rattling in his chest, he tries to focus on taking deep breaths. Fear and worry are curling in his stomach and he can’t tamp them down. Rationally, he knows that Harry is fine and will be fine. Kade isn’t going to hurt him physically and even then, Harry can probably overpower him. 

The only danger here is the memories. It might seem appalling that an omega so small can emotionally bruise an alpha so horribly as Kade bruised Harry but that’s just it, isn’t it? Your gender doesn’t determine what type of person someone is, they do. And Kade is not a good person. It took Louis a while to understand exactly what would drive someone to act like Kade did and treat their partner so horribly. 

He’s determined that there’s no single explanation but he’s also realized something else, something a bit disturbing. Kade clearly held a strong hatred for secondary genders, seeing as he tried to suppress them as much as possible. He took his own self-hatred or confusion out on other people who loved him, on _Harry,_ who did love him. He had confessed it to Louis, how the worst part of everything that happened is that he still loved him. He didn’t leave or think anything was wrong because he was in love and if Kade hated secondary genders, it didn’t matter because they were in _love._

And now he’s in love with Louis. It makes him feel impossibly horrible especially considering that in terms of insecurities, he and Kade didn’t used to be all that different. Of course, there’s still a major difference, as in Louis would never ever treat someone like Kade treated Harry, no matter how annoyed he got at entitled alphas in the past. 

Besides, his self-hating days are long gone. Spring has arrived and Louis has bloomed into a new person, a _better_ person. Someone who judges less and listens more, someone who embraces his own nature and secondary gender while also never letting it restrict him, someone who loves and is in love. A pure, trusting love. 

He loves Harry more than anything, and the alpha loves him back. And they’re happy _._ Harry just needs to get all of his stuff and then they can go home (because it’s _home_ now) and never think about Kade ever again. 

Obviously, that’s wishful thinking. He knows Kade will never truly disappear from Harry’s life but he’ll be irrelevant. Harry just needs to come back outside and then they can drive away and never look back. 

He takes another deep breath, stress and panic churning in his stomach. His omega feels distressed, letting off anxious pheromones and fogging up the cramped interior of the car. Louis fumbles for his phone, pulling up their classical music playlist and clicking Für Elise with shaking fingers. 

The first notes ring out and he inhales deeply, exhaling three counts after. 

Harry is fine. He’s strong and wonderful and he’s come so far in the past six months. He’s _fine._

Except, Louis has always had a habit of worrying. 

When the red front door finally swings open again, his heart leaps to his throat, the beat thundering in his ears as he sees Harry, his lovely and amazing Harry, step outside with a stack of boxes in his hands. 

He walks steadily to the car with a face blank of emotion, not looking back once. 

Louis glances behind him just in time to see the red door slam closed, no omega in sight. He exhales jaggedly, heart rate still erratic as Harry reaches the car. Logic returning to him, he scrambles to open the trunk, biting his lip as Harry sets the boxes down and disappears around the car to get into the driver’s seat. 

The door opens and the scent of firewood and dark chocolate wafts into the car. Harry sits down stiffly, shutting the door behind him. 

For a moment they sit there in silence. 

“You did it,” Louis says when he can’t wait any longer, anxiety and impatience rising to a high inside him. 

It takes a moment for Harry to react, staring at an unfixed point in the distance. He nods slowly, a barely perceptible movement but a confirmation nonetheless. “I did it,” he breathes a moment later, so soft Louis almost doesn’t catch it. 

But he does, because Harry always has his full attention. 

“Home?” he asks. 

Harry nods again, jaw setting as he shifts in his seat. His eyes flicker to Louis’ phone on the dash, softening when he sees what’s playing quietly on the speakers. He grips the steering wheel. 

“Do you want me to drive?” Louis asks worriedly. Harry usually likes driving when they go out together, saying that it makes him feel a bit more in control, but he looks pale now and the last thing Louis wants to do is put any more pressure or responsibility on him. 

However, Harry shakes his head. “I can drive,” he says, and it sounds genuine. There’s flickers of resolve on his face, growing until it spreads across his body. He clears his throat, scratching at his beard and then glancing at Louis with heavy emotion in his eyes. “I’m okay.”

Louis can hear the truth ringing through his reassurance. He nods, smiling softly. “I love you,” he reminds him. 

He isn’t naive - Louis knows that this isn’t the last of their issues. Harry’s going to have to live with the effects of that relationship for the rest of his life. But this has already been a wonderful step in the right direction. They’re on the right track, and that’s all they can hope for right now- all they can do and keep doing. 

The alpha leans over the center console to cup the side of his face, slotting their lips together gently, kissing slow and sweet. “I love you,” he echoes when they pull apart. 

He laces their hands together, resting them on the barrier between them. They hold hands all the way _home._

+

Despite being an omega, Louis’ learned to notice some qualities in alphas that he has in himself. Over the last few months he’s come to realize that oftentimes they have much more in common than he originally thought. 

Just this morning, after he’d served Nick his coffee, he’d talked with him about his business for a good thirty minutes before he claimed he’d be late. It’s all very pleasant when they aren’t just picking fights with each other. 

As for the alphas that try to hit on him, Louis still gives them a piece of his mind in whichever way he sees fit. Although, the shiny new mark on his neck typically warns them away before they even try. 

By the time lunch rolls around, his feet ache a bit from standing and he steals one of the croissants from behind the counter, escaping to one of the corner booths for some privacy. He’s just kicked his feet up on the opposite side and pulled out his phone when the front door bell chimes again. 

“Tommo!” 

Niall’s voice rings out through the cafe but Louis couldn’t care less if it bothers anyone. He smiles in greeting, then waves at Liam who comes in behind him. And there, just now coming through the door, is Harry. 

Louis shoots up out of the booth to slide past Liam and Niall over to him, latching onto his side. 

“Missed you,” he says. 

“I drove you to work this morning, Omega,” Harry grins, leaning down to press a kiss to his forehead. 

“S’not enough,” Louis insists, inhaling deeply over a spot on Harry’s chest. “I saved you a cookie.” Rushing back over to the counter to reach around and grab the wrapped, blue iced cookie, Louis hands it to him. “I made it myself.” 

“Thanks, love,” Harry accepts it gratefully, still his favorite treat. He slides into the booth after Louis and begins eating it, linking their fingers together underneath the table. 

“What, you didn’t save any for us?” Niall mocks. 

Liam sighs. “Get used to it, Ni.” 

With a dramatic sigh, Niall ventures to the counter to order separately. He comes back with drinks and scones, handing one to Liam and keeping one for himself. 

Harry tries to visit him at work more often than not, which Louis really appreciates. It’s nice to see him, and he definitely keeps Louis sane when the customers grate on his nerves. 

He knows Harry enjoys it too because it gets him out of the apartment. He and Louis go on walks with Cliff nearly every day after work but he thinks Harry gets bored sometimes just sitting around the flat while he’s gone. 

Then again, he does more than just that. Harry’s been picking up hobbies, reading books, cooking, and reigniting his old passions that he had stopped after Kade but is rediscovering completely anew now. Louis encourages him every step of the way. 

Sometimes he hangs out with Liam and Niall too, going to the gym where he’s started taking boxing classes, or on little errands for groceries or dog food for Clifford. He’s also recently started going to therapy. A real therapist, that’s been helping him work through some of the things that are going to take much longer to heal. 

Other than that, they’ve been learning piano together. Learning how to play Für Elise is much more difficult than either of them initially anticipated, but it feels nice to get up early on Saturday mornings and sit next to each other, practicing and bumping into each other’s fingers, giggling like they’re teenagers as they fumble over the wrong keys and Cliff watches from the side with a tilted head, tail wagging in tune to their timid notes. 

They’ll get it eventually, Louis’ certain. He doesn’t think he much minds the process taking longer than they thought. 

Niall and Liam stay for a bit longer before they finish up their food and begin packing up what little they brought with them for lunch. 

“Shit, I’ve gotta get back to the office,” Liam curses, grabbing his jacket and standing from the booth. “We’ll see you guys at seven for movie night?” he raises a brow. 

“See you there,” Harry says. 

“What about you?” Louis asks, gaze falling to Niall. “Got somewhere to be?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I can take a hint,” Niall huffs, gathering his own things and sliding toward the edge of the booth to leave with Liam. “I’ll have you know, though, that I actually _do_ have plans this afternoon.” 

“Oh yeah? Taking your girl out somewhere nice?” Louis huffs, crossing his arms. “The girl you didn’t even tell me about until I tickled it out of you.” 

Niall shakes his head, shuddering as if replaying the memory in his head. “Evil,” he mutters. “Anyway, we’re going to her brother’s place for dinner.”

“Oh, meeting the family,” Liam says teasingly. “Getting serious.” 

He gets a glare in return. “It’s just a friendly dinner,” Niall grits, huffing defensively. But there’s traces of a fond smile on his face as he shakes his head at them. 

“As long as you’re back by eight,” Louis sing-songs toward them. 

Niall feigns offense, slapping a hand over his heart. “As _if_ I would cancel movie night.” 

Just for his sarcasm, Louis throws the remaining part of his croissant at his back as Niall cackles and trips over his own feet running to the door. 

“Idiots,” Louis huffs, trying to fight his smile into Harry’s shoulder. 

“They’re not too bad,” Harry reasons. “They gave me you, so.” 

“Alpha,” he whines, a pout on his lips. “You can’t just _say_ things like that.” 

He underlines his point with a deep kiss to Harry’s lips, both hands on either side of his face. After a few moments Harry pulls away from him with a peck to his cheek instead, sticking his phone back in his pocket. 

“You’re leaving too?” 

“Got an interview,” Harry explains, bashful. However, there’s pride in his eyes as he smiles at Louis and reveals, “My old company said they’d hire me back for a different position. It’s not CEO but it’s something. They said they’ll have me work up to a better position if I do well and I intend to. Also I have to run in and feed Cliff first,” he laughs. 

“Wha - Harry, that’s fantastic,” Louis throws his arms around his shoulders and tackles him in a tight hug. Every single day he’s more proud of him. 

“Thanks, baby,” he chuckles, the pet name slipping out easily without a second thought, something that’s become quite common and Louis is definitely not complaining. “I’ll let you know how it goes when I pick you up.” 

With one final kiss Harry helps him out of the booth and says his goodbyes, headed for the door. He turns at the last second and gives Louis a small wave, his dimples on full display, the scar on his cheek almost fully healed. Louis grins back and makes his way back to the counter. 

Despite the after-lunch rush of impatient customers that floods the small store, Louis serves them all regardless with a wide grin on his cheeks, Harry’s scent still on his clothes and Für Elise playing on repeat in his head. He wishes he could say he won’t think about the alpha for the rest of his shift, but he makes no promises. 

+

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _Give Me Love_ by Ed Sheeran <3
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